Will He Really Leave Her For Me? by Rona B. Subotnik

Author:Rona B. Subotnik
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Adams Media, Inc.
Published: 2005-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

Part III

The Affair

Chapter Six

The Stages of an Affair

Very little in life remains static. People and relationships change. Sometimes they deepen, sometimes they gain in one respect and lose in another. In assessing your affair, a look at the changes will help you determine if it is developing in the way that you would like. Things seem to be going well in the beginning of relationships when there is that intoxication with the other person and a desire to please. If the relationship does not change and remains a physical one—the first leg of the triangle of love—with only passion and without emotional intimacy, it is not likely that it will deepen and that he will leave his wife for you.

As the relationship develops, intimacy, the second leg of the triangle, will also begin to grow. You will get to know each other better. Of course, intimacy is crucial to the development of true love. But it is at this point that reality sets in, enabling you to see more clearly who this person really is. You may discover some of the gold is tarnishing. Arguments can occur even though passion is still high. Passion is the positive reinforcement for the affair to continue.

However, as intimacy builds and if you discover that it is real gold and not tarnished, you will want the third part of the triangle: commitment. As you become more comfortable in the relationship, you begin to question your future together. He might at that point be torn between leaving his family and marrying you, or he may avoid the subject and even distance himself from you as he tries to sort things through. He may feel less comfortable in the relationship, unless he wants to be with you exclusively. Your reaction will probably be anger and you’ll make more demands. A process begins that includes coming together and then coming apart. There is a reconciliation for a while and then the unresolved issue once again surfaces and the cycle is repeated.

It will repeat many times until you find an answer. The decision may be to end the relationship, to continue the affair, which could go on to become long term, or to marry. The following section will show the stages I have observed and the names that I think best describe them. The stages are not always sharply marked, but rather they meld, one into the other.

First Stage: Attraction

You meet and find to your delight that you are attracted to him and he returns the attention. At this time you may or may not know he is married, or you may deny that he could be married. Yet you may be finding yourself more and more attracted to him. As the relationship develops and is established, you feel as though you two are a couple. It may not be until you are more involved that you discover, or realize, that he is married, but this new information does not deter you. You may think about it for a while, but you tell yourself that he is not happy in his marriage.

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