Why Him? Why Her? by Helen Fisher

Author:Helen Fisher
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Henry Holt and Co.
Published: 2009-10-19T16:00:00+00:00

Shape Counts

The body.

As deftly as possible, you check out this mysterious person’s frame. Men tend to be more attracted to a woman with a beautiful body and less inviting face than to one with a gorgeous face and an unappealing figure. Height is not an issue for men; they like women of any reasonable height, although as a rule they prefer shorter women. And most men prefer voluptuous, curvy women to thin ones.

In fact, studies show that men in the United States, Britain, Germany, Australia, India, Uganda and several other countries are particularly attracted to women whose waist circumference is about 70 percent of their hip measurement—probably because women with this waist-to-hip ratio are more likely to bear healthy young.4 Men in ancient Europe, Asia, the Americas and Africa also preferred this particular shape. We know this because thousands of years ago they were carving statues of women with these proportions.

Women often downplay the importance of bodily appearance in a potential sweetheart. When they are hooked up to lie detectors, however, they admit that physical appearance plays a big role in their feelings of initial attraction. Women are drawn to men with a developed chest, broad shoulders, narrow hips and legs, and small buttocks. Women also like tall men (an indication of testosterone), perhaps because tall men tend to get better jobs and make more money and are more likely to become powerful in business or politics. Tall men look more intimidating, too, and thus potentially more protective.

Women are also drawn to men who stand or sit in a carefree pose, a sign of dominance; to those who are self-confident, assertive and smart; and to those with a deeper voice, another sign of testosterone. And women are particularly fond of men who are coordinated, strong and courageous, as well as men with money, status, education and resources. In fact, everywhere in the world big men, as they are called in hunting/gathering societies, are prized—for the obvious reason that rich men can provide.

But, once again, each personality type has some slightly different preferences. Explorers have a relaxed, fluid, energetic way of moving that probably particularly appeals to other Explorers. You may have noticed that Barack Obama moves in the smooth, graceful style of the Explorer.

Builders send a different signal. When I briefly met a group of Builder men and women at a singles party, I was struck by the number of men wearing a suit and tie—thus advertising their business savvy. They also held themselves in a formal pose, sitting or standing as if planted rather than about to move. Female Builders were more formal, too.

Both male and female Directors most likely gravitate to more feminine bodily features—the soft, unthreatening look.

And Negotiators (both men and women) are probably particularly attracted to tall partners with slim hips. I know some Negotiator women who will go out only with tall men. They are dancing to nature’s rhythm—searching for their counterpart, high-testosterone Director men.

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