Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day by Anne Katherine

Author:Anne Katherine
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Touchstone
Published: 2012-09-25T07:00:00+00:00

HOW TO CREATE SUCCESSFUL HOLIDAYS

BEFORE THE HOLIDAY

• Talk about the holiday in advance. Each person take a turn describing how they’d like the holiday to be. Talk about activities, food, timing, costs, whom to include, the order of events, preparation, and how to divide responsibilities.

• Make sure each of you has a clear picture of what the other people want.

• If past holidays have had glitches, set your boundary for what is acceptable to you and what isn’t. For example, “I need to start serving dinner on time. If you’re not here by seven, we’ll start without you, and you can join us as soon as you can.”

• Look for ways to include the most important elements for each person.

• Be clear about what you are committing to and what you are not. Be sure you have a similar clear commitment from the other person.

AFTER THE HOLIDAY

• If your boundaries were disregarded, calmly and honestly discuss how and why this happened.

• If the other person made a genuine mistake, set your boundary again clearly and directly. If you made a mistake, own up to it, apologize, and make appropriate amends, if necessary.

• If the other person is unwilling or unable to adapt, or seems to be playing games with you, decide how you will do the next holiday with greater protection for your boundaries. You may have to celebrate separately in order to preserve the spirit of the holiday for yourself.

• Allow the relationship to have a learning curve. Cut some slack if the holiday wasn’t perfect, but the other person made an effort. Express your appreciation for their flexibility and willingness to adapt.

• Learn from any misunderstandings.

• Repeat the negotiation process several weeks before the next holiday.

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