When Your Ex Doesn't Follow the Rules by Doyle Maureen;

Author:Doyle, Maureen; [Maureen Doyle]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Morgan James Publishing
Published: 2017-08-15T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 5

Know What You Can Control

“You can’t control other people,

You can only control your reactions to them.”

- Unknown

Life after divorce is filled with uncertainty and change. There are so many decisions to make. Where should I live? When should I get a job? Where should I work? Should I go back to school for more education? And those are the easy ones. They involve only you. Then there are other daily thoughts that seem to fill our minds and ultimately keep us stuck and unable to begin a new life.

• How can I start my life when my ex keeps me going back to court?

• How can I make my ex understand that his behaviors are hurting our children?

• How can I get him to follow the parenting plan?

• How can I make him understand that life could be so much better if he would just do what he said that he would do in our divorce decree?

• How can I make him understand?

• Why does he have to be so difficult?

Notice that all of those questions are focused on what you can’t control, but in order to create the future you want for you and your children it is imperative you work from where you have control. So what can you control?

The hard truth is that you can only control yourself. You can choose what to think, how to feel, and how to act and react. You and only you. That seems easy to understand but it is not so easy to put into practice. We want the best for our children and we see a clear and logical way to get there. Shouldn’t that be what our ex-husband also wants? Perhaps they do and perhaps they don’t. What I can tell you is that what they want or think is none of your business. You have to stay out of their business and stay in your own. When you stay in your business, you have some control. When you move into their business, you have no control.

When I found myself trying to change my ex-husband, I was reminded of the powerful words of Bryon Katie, spiritual teacher and author, “There are only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God’s. Whose business are you in?” When you are in God’s business, you are worrying and fretting over what I like to think of as reality. It could be a storm, earthquake, bad traffic, or whether your ex is going to lose his job and stop paying child support. Stop worrying about it. It is something that you have absolutely no control over and agonizing over it is a complete waste of time.

The next is someone else’s business and this one is tricky. Every time that we want to control someone’s thoughts, words, or actions, we are in their business. I would imagine that you are in someone else’s business much of the time. And you probably don’t even realize it. We all do it.

• Why

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