What It's Really Like by Jane Morris

Author:Jane Morris [Morris, Jane]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Jane Morris

93

Don’t Tell My Daughter I’m an Asshole!

94

My Eyebrows Hurt and Other Medical Emergencies

J. Morris

I recently found out that many schools do not have a nurse or medical professional on the premises. At first, this seemed terrible. But when I asked a few school nurses for their favorite excuses that students give for visiting their office, I see that most of their time is probably spent telling kids they are fine, explaining to them that their supposed illnesses or ailments are not actually possible, and sending them back to class. It’s funny that teachers even allow them to leave class for these reasons, but you know they just need a break from the kid who has an itchy tooth.

Here are the best reasons for which students have visited the school nurse:

(written on pass by teacher) “Sucking on arm. Left a mark.”

“I fell in the toilet.”

(written on pass by teacher) “Pringle in eye.”

“I ate a rock.”

(written on pass by teacher) “Complains of headache whenever we sing Jingle Bells.”

“My feet itch.”

(written on pass by teacher) “Eye hurts from homemade arrow that hit eye one year ago.”

“My eyebrows hurt.”

(written on pass by teacher) “Tight pants.”

“I almost sneezed.”

“I don’t know why I’m here. My teacher just sent me.”

“My poop is like water!”

“I had a sharp, sideways poop.”

“My tooth is itchy.”

(written on pass by teacher) “Ate cupcake wrapper.”

“I popped a pimple in my ear.”

“My shoes are too big.”

“I think I need my arm amputated.”

(written on pass by teacher) “Ate a snail.”

“I have to fart.”

(written on pass by teacher) “Student’s mom sent essential oils to rub on moles on student’s back.”

(Nurse’s response) “Sorry, but unless the oil came with a doctor’s note I am not allowed to administer it.”

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