What Can I Do? by Nicola Fitzmaurice

Author:Nicola Fitzmaurice
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
Published: 2019-09-29T16:00:00+00:00

The Guilt

You think I’m about to talk about your guilt, aren’t you? That I’m assuming there is ‘no smoke without fire’, that you must be at fault and to blame for what has been happening. Truly, it doesn’t matter whether I agree you’re guilty or not; I know you feel guilty all the same, and your thoughts will be ‘because otherwise why would this be happening?’ I promise we will talk about this, because this is a no-holds barred book that will lay everything bare and out in the open for you to think about. It’s the only way forward for you. However, let’s look at this from the first angle.

You’ve been told by your partner that they feel bad when they’ve hurt you; there could even have been tears of shame and misery. But the shame and tears never last, and before you know it, you’re back in that cycle and it always ends the same; there is the screaming, the shouting, the rough stuff and then the heartfelt, pleading apologies. This person might a ‘walls and floor’ person, someone who deliberately doesn’t use their fists, believing that it is alright to bully and shove their partner up against the walls, and throw them down on the ground, with commands such as ‘Stay down’. It might be that their verbal attacks on you are absolutely enough, and you are desperate to stop being ground down to the point where nothing you say or do makes any difference any more.

This can be hard to understand, but the truth is it is their guilt that is feeding their behaviour. Every time this person hurts you, that information is stored away deep inside their subconscious and it eats away at them like a deadly worm. Over and above their immediate apologies for what they have done to you, it is their own knowledge that they are evolving into a person that they can neither like nor respect.

And the more they come to loathe themselves, the more they will lash out at the one person they have convinced themselves is to blame for this transmogrification.

So, this is where your guilt comes in. You now understand that the best thing you could have done was to put your foot down the very first time an event happened, to have walked away and not accepted this kind of behaviour, but it’s too late for that now. It is all right to admit that you’ve messed up, and know that hindsight is a wonderful thing. After all, we are all human and that is no bad thing, and your partner has also messed up given the situation that you now find yourselves in. Let’s go with the ‘no one’s perfect’ thought, because playing the blame game now will get us nowhere. At least, thankfully, as humans we have a sentient understanding that we have choices and can change the way we live our lives. You know it is time to starting making those choices, when you

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