Walking Through Anger by Christian Conte

Author:Christian Conte
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Sounds True

Living Nonattachment

Think about something that you believed deeply when you were very young, but as you got older and learned more about the world, you altered that belief. At the time you believed it strongly, and it would have been difficult for you to encounter those who challenged your thinking. Now think of your current beliefs. In this present moment of your life, you likely feel as strongly about your current beliefs as you did when you were young and tied to that belief you have long since shed. Of course it’s possible that what you believe now is absolute truth and that you simultaneously see all sides of the box regarding every topic you hold dear; but the other possibility is that even your most cherished beliefs are not absolute truth.

Whereas an extremist might bounce from one extreme to the other—“Oh, well, if what I believe might not be true, then I guess nothing is true and we can never know anything!”—I would advocate for a more balanced, less reactive experience of nonattachment. It’s not that you cannot know anything; it’s that regardless of what you understand in any given moment, there always exist other perspectives that might not have occurred to you yet. This attitude of openness is in line with your authentic self being driven to constantly grow.

A rock climber en route up a mountainside might cling firmly to the rocks in front of her, and understandably so. But if she’s not willing to reach for new places to grab, she will either remain stuck where she is or be forced to descend the mountain. Yes, the rocks she currently holds and her footing might be solid, but until she’s completed her climb, there is still higher mountainside to scale. Likewise, as long as you are alive, there is still more for you to learn. Clinging to your current perspective will always inhibit growth. Nonattachment allows you to keep searching for new rocks that permit you to continually climb higher up the mountain of your life.

Bruce Lee, when describing his own approach to martial arts, once said, “Absorb what is useful, discard what is useless, and add what is specifically your own.” His words encapsulate my perspective on offering Yield Theory to you. The seven fundamental components are pieces that are foundational for practicing Yield Theory with fidelity, but within the framework of the methodology I offer is the freedom for you to be uniquely yourself. The ever-present goal is circumventing others’ defensiveness so you can communicate in ways that can be heard, and the seven fundamental components are keys to doing that. The way in which you cling to or discard what resonates with you or not, however, is entirely up to you.

If I ever got so wrapped up in Yield Theory that I declared Yield Theory to be “the” way, rather than “a” way, then I would be missing the point of nonattachment. Throughout this book there will be some pieces that resonate with you more than others, and there will be sections that apply more aptly to your life at different times.

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