Turner, Dave - How To Be Dead by Turner Dave

Turner, Dave - How To Be Dead by Turner Dave

Author:Turner, Dave [Turner, Dave]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Aim For The Head Books
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00


Unable to get back to sleep, Dave showered and put on his best suit. He was checking his reflection in the chrome kettle when Gary stumbled into the kitchen, bare feet padding on the laminate floor.

'You vain bastard,' he said.

'It's not vanity, it's damage limitation.'

Gary peered blearily inside the fridge.

'Shouldn't you be at work?' he asked.

'I'm going in a bit.' Dave's head ached. It felt as if somebody had pushed their fingers into his brain; probing and stretching, pressing it up against his skull. He had thought about phoning in sick, but it was the first day in his new role and he was pretty sure the personification of death invading your psyche wasn't on the list of acceptable reasons for absence. He told himself that it was just a dream. Nothing more than a subconscious manifestation of his anxiety about work, but it had felt so real. Death had seemed so close.

Gary removed a pizza box from the fridge and sniffed the contents. His nose wrinkled.

'That's disgusting!' He shoved the box back in the fridge.

'Why did you put it back, then?' Dave asked.

'Because there's no room left in the bin.' Gary pulled out a cheesecake.

Dave grimaced. 'Cheesecake for breakfast?'

'What's the problem? It's dairy and cereal. It's practically a bowl of cornflakes.'

'Can I ask you something?'

Gary's eyes widened. 'I'm not explaining where babies come from again.'

'What do you think happens when you die?'

'That accident's opened a whole can of philosophical whoop ass, hasn't it? Honestly? I don't know.'

'That's unusual for you,' said Dave.

Gary thought for a moment, then said, 'Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last very long if you're morbidly obese.'

'That's not very helpful.'

'All I know,' said Gary, arms outstretched, 'is that God is dead and I am an insignificant speck in an uncaring universe. But there's cheesecake. So, y'know, swings and roundabouts. Cheese and cake. You have to admit, as a concept it's faultless.'



Download



Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.