The Trident by Jason Redman

Author:Jason Redman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2013-09-16T16:00:00+00:00

TOWARD THE END OF the month, as I grew nearer to the end of my time in Ranger Jail, I circled back to that day in the valley. It was time to lay what happened to rest. Sort out the mistakes, harvest the lessons learned, move forward with this knowledge, and bury the past.

I knew that I had not done what was best for the team. I knew I had made the wrong call. And in order to move on, I had to forgive myself for that. SEALs, along with most military professionals, are rigorous, dedicated individuals. Within the community, we have forged a culture of achievement. Perfection is our standard. It has to be that way, given the narrow margins we work with, in the most grueling conditions imaginable.

I could not change my decision. But I should have owned it in its aftermath. I should have listened to those with more experience, taken my lumps, and moved forward. That is how leaders grow.

I was so desperate to justify and defend my actions, I lost sight of what I was there to do. I was there to lead when necessary and to follow when called upon, but above all else to accomplish the mission as part of the team. Instead, in the aftermath, I’d made it all about me and the defense of my ego.

Yes, Senior Chief Kerry hated me. We loathed each other. But the truth? He was a damned good operator. In a firefight, I would have wanted him there as a tactical leader.

In his own, abrasive way, he had attempted to mentor me. If I had put down my pride, I would have seen it, and I could have learned a lot from him. That never happened; I failed to manage our relationship and it poisoned the entire platoon. It also hurt my reputation with my teammates.

My self-deceit finally collapsed. Kerry had not done this to me; I’d done all this to myself. I was being punished less for the decision I’d made and more for the way I’d fiercely refused to take responsibility for it. The more I railed against those aligned against me, the more I deserved to be punished.

I wasn’t betrayed by my teammates. I betrayed them with my selfishness.

It was time to grow up.

So where do I go from here?

My career was still in shambles. My reputation was still ruined inside the community.

In the final days of Ranger Jail, I deliberated for long hours. Internally, I’d taken ownership of my mistakes. But I still had no idea how I could recover my reputation.

I would do it just like J.P. had suggested: one evolution at a time.

What if I finished Ranger School strong and returned to the team with a fresh attitude? Maybe, if I demonstrated that I had learned and made the tough changes, I could overcome the reputation I’d earned and rebuild the respect and trust so vital between operators.

Maybe I would never win over some people. That would just be the legacy of my decisions.

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