The Self-Esteem Journal by Alison Waines

Author:Alison Waines
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-84709-315-8
Publisher: John Murray Press
Published: 2013-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

Clara felt she had missed out on the nurturing statements she would have internalized growing up, which would later have become part of her adult inner supportive voice. Instead she faced her stepfather’s internalized critical voice every day. By developing the image of ‘Mrs Tea and Sympathy’, she could listen to her needs better, instead of obsessing about improving herself. This helped her to develop self-acceptance (‘I am OK just as I am’) – an essential element of self-esteem.

People with low self-esteem tend to have an under-developed inner nurturing voice. Can you find space inside yourself for a nurturing and supportive voice? At which times in particular would you call on this voice to bring you solace and encouragement? For example, you could invite this voice to help you when an interview does not work out, when you feel rejected by someone or when something deeply disappoints you.

4 Your inner support team

Many native American Indians believe in having imaginary contact with people they admire as their inner resource of support and strength. When they do not have a real-life support network of friends and family around them, they imagine the security they would like to feel. They conjure up the voices and attitudes of people they know, or have heard about, who have great courage and integrity. They visualize people they greatly respect and admire who would support them and stand up for them. Then they inwardly call on them for help and support when they are feeling lost or afraid.

You can try creating images of the sorts of people you would like to have in your team of internal supporters. These can be real, fictional or historical figures who would believe in you, give you good advice, accept you just the way you are and have qualities and strengths you could draw on. You can imagine these people when you hear your negative self-talk. You might want a number of allies to support you when facing different challenges; someone supportive when you are feeling low, someone who has great drive when you want to get a new project off the ground or someone wise when you need to make a decision.

Make a list of four or five personal allies who could be supportive to you in your life today. What qualities do these characters represent? You can choose supporters and allies from people in history (they can be dead or alive), from real people in your childhood who valued you and listened to you, from television, films, books you have read, fictional characters and so on. Choose any character at all where you think, ‘It would be great to have someone like that around – they’d be really supportive.’

Close your eyes – imagine one of them sitting or standing with you now. Silently introduce yourself and make contact. Try to picture their eyes, their face, and the appreciative way they look at you. What do you think they might say to you? Do they have any guidance or advice

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