The Relationship Handbook: A Simple Guide to Satisfying Relationships - Anniversary Edition by George Pransky

Author:George Pransky
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: UNKNOWN
Published: 2017-06-04T17:00:00+00:00

HOW “PROBLEMS” ARE TRANSCENDED

Bill and Wendy have been married fifteen years. They have three children: two boys, 11 and 12, and a girl, 18. This is his second marriage and her first. The interviewer had known the couple for eight years and was impressed by how effortlessly they got along.

Interviewer. Why do you two get along so well?

Bill. Because of her. (He laughs.)

Interviewer. Seriously. Many couples find it difficult to avoid friction. How do you two do it?

Bill. I don’t know. Maybe we’ve been lucky.

Interviewer. Haven’t you faced any adversity in your marriage?

Wendy. Nothing that came between us. We’ve had our share of hard times, but they made us closer.

Interviewer. Don’t you have any problems in your relationship?

Wendy. I don’t think so. We hardly have any friction if that is what you mean.

Interviewer. Are we dealing with a matter of semantics here? Is there another word you’d use instead of problems? Are you saying you see eye-to-eye on everything?

Bill. No. We see things differently in many areas.

Interviewer. Well, what do you do in those areas?

Wendy. We expect to have different views. We actually like that. It lets us learn from each other.

Interviewer. Aren’t there important areas you disagree about? Aren’t there issues where you wished the other person thought like you?

Wendy. Yes, there are some.

Interviewer. That’s what most people mean when they use the word “problem.”

Wendy. Oh!

Interviewer. Well, what do you do to resolve those areas, and how do you stay out of conflict?

Bill. We try not to deal with things head on. We let them sort of run their course.

Interviewer. Let’s get specific. What is an example of an area of potential conflict in your marriage?

Wendy. Well, it looks like we won’t be able to steer clear of these areas in this interview. (They laugh.) Actually, Bill wants to have another child and I don’t.

Bill. Another area is that she always wanted to live in the country, but we’ve always lived in a city.

Wendy. That’s right. I’m a country girl at heart. It would take me two minutes to get packed if we ever decided to move to the country. (They smile.)

Bill. Wendy has been very patient about that. I hope someday we’ll live in the country.

Interviewer. Why don’t you move now?

Wendy. It makes more sense to us to follow Bill’s career opportunities than to pick the ideal location to live.

Interviewer. When you say “us,” do you mean “us” or Bill?

Wendy. If I were living alone or with a man who looked at his career differently, this interview probably would be taking place in Oregon. (She smiles.) On the other hand, I can also see letting your career influence where you live. Bill loves his work and I’m really grateful for that. It seems a little crazy to me for him to give up his excellent work situation just to move to the country.

Interviewer. With all due respect, Wendy, don’t you feel that you’re making a sacrifice?

Wendy. Not at all! I have a wonderful life and Bill is no small part of it.

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