The Practice of Love by Lair Torrent

Author:Lair Torrent
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers
Published: 2021-12-07T00:00:00+00:00

JEFF AND TANYA

My days are usually a long series of fifty-minute sessions. In the hoped-for ten-minute break between patients, I will run to the bathroom, make coffee, field a message or two, and/or schedule another client. The pause between sessions is often capped by my next appointment’s muffled conversations as they sit in the waiting room. Today, however, there was no muffled conversation. It seemed Jeff and Tanya were running late. This was supposed to be their fifth session. We had spent our first few sessions unpacking their histories, learning about mindfulness, and dabbling in parts of self. The thought floated into my mind that there could have been an abrupt decision to discontinue therapy. They were a couple on the fault line, and anything was possible. Their interactions had de-escalated, but a chill had replaced the emotional volatility, and it was palpable. So I was surprised when I opened my door to see they had arrived on time. The two entered my office in silence. After the obligatory greetings, the silence continued for four full minutes. Their eyes met mine from time to time, only to dart away in the discomfort of prolonged eye contact. It seemed no one was willing to break the quiet.

Whenever these long silences occur, I am reminded of when actor Sacha Baron Cohen, posing as his character Borat, infiltrated the Pima County Republican Club and held a long silence for the people who died in the fictitious “Tishnik massacre.” Cohen let the camera run for ten minutes that seemed like hours, and the discomfort felt by the members of the club was obvious. Silences in the therapy room can feel just as long and just as uncomfortable, but not nearly as funny. It is often difficult for even seasoned therapists to allow space for them. I think humans have a compelling need to fill the void. In my training program at Helix, we learned to get comfortable with silence in our monthly process group. These sessions were two hours in length, and they often started with long pauses in conversation that could last for an hour or more, no one willing to be the first to speak. The longer the word embargo, the harder it seemed to finally break it. It was in these process group experiences that I not only got comfortable with the discomfort of silence; I also learned to read the quiet between people. Sometimes the silence at the beginning of these process groups was merely shyness, however, more often than not, the quiet was pregnant with something more. Someone was usually holding on to a thought, a feeling, or an experience, that when finally shared, would begin the inevitable argument. From what I could surmise, this was the case for Jeff and Tanya. Neither wanted to break the tentative peace, perhaps knowing what lay around the corner once people got talking.

Finally, Jeff asks, “Do you want to start?”

“No, you go,” Tanya replies.

Frustrated, Jeff shifts in his chair, takes a deep

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.