The Perfect Relationship Workbook – 2 Books in 1: How to Eliminate Jealousy, Attachment and Overcome Anxiety and Insecurity in Your Relationships by Kate Homily

Author:Kate Homily [Homily, Kate]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-08-14T00:00:00+00:00

Attachment Styles and Relationships

Image 3: Mohamed Hassan on pixabay. How you form attachments will also play a significant role in your relationships whether these are platonic, romantic, or familial. Your attachment will determine how you resolve conflict, how you relate to others, and how you use or respect boundaries.

● Secure Attachment

John has been happily married for 20 years. He adores his wife, but he also respects that she is a working woman and will be away from home at times. He is concerned about her when she travels, but he knows she is a good driver and will call him to let him know she is safe when she arrives at her destination. While they have been married for 20 years, the couple still enjoy a healthy sex life, and they are not strangers to intimacy. John can quickly see when something is bothering his wife. Though he always asks her what is wrong and can he help, he also knows she wants to be in charge of her life and will deal with things in her own way. While many of John’s colleagues have expressed concern with John’s wife being away on business often, he chooses not to become jealous as he knows they share a good relationship with open communication. As a whole, John is optimistic about his relationship, and he is happy to see his wife at the end of the day.

The above example illustrates how someone who has a secure attachment style responds in a relationship. People with this style of behavior and decision making are able to respect the boundaries of their partners, and they feel comfortable creating and maintaining their own relationship boundaries. This creates a healthy structure in the relationship. Securely attached adults will be confident enough in themselves and in their partners, and there is no need for jealousy, clingy, or needy behavior. Despite this, they are not afraid of expressing their intimate needs and affections, and they eagerly support their partners in appropriate ways. These individuals are confident and optimistic in their own abilities and their role within the relationship. They often experience a deep and spiritual connection to their partner, without the pressure of being needy or dependent.

● Anxious Attachment

Sara is not content in her relationship. She is convinced her partner is cheating on her, and she suffers from chronic anxiety attacks when she thinks about their relationship as she fears being single. Despite her partner constantly telling her everything is okay between them, she still does not believe him, and she is mentally trying to prepare herself for their eventual break-up. When she finds a lipstick mark on his shirt one day after work, she goes ballistic, packs her bags, and prepares to storm out of their apartment. When her partner tries to explain, she simply cries hysterically.

People like Sara are what could be termed a hot mess. They are clingy, needy, and they constantly want to be told that everything is okay by their partners. Everything in their behavioral repertoire centers around getting outside approval.

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