The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller

Author:Timothy Keller
Language: jpn
Format: azw3, epub
Publisher: Penguin Group USA, Inc.
Published: 2011-11-04T00:00:00+00:00

The Currencies of Love

What we call love currencies are often called “love languages.” This metaphor is also very helpful. If we say “I love you” to someone who does not understand a word of English, then the love does not get through. We are sending it, but it is not being received. We must learn to send love in forms that the other person can comprehend. I will dare to use one more metaphor. A radio signal may be sent out on one frequency, but the radio receiver does not respond if it is tuned to another frequency. In the same way, a husband may be sending out the message “I love you” by being very sensual and romantic toward his wife, but that might not be where her love receiver is tuned. He doesn’t listen sympathetically to her when she wants to talk about the things that discourage her. She desperately wants an understanding listener, but he is impatient, usually barking out some brief advice. So she tells her husband, “I don’t feel you love me!” He retorts, “But I do love you!” Why the discrepancy? He is sending his love over a channel to which she is not tuned. This is why, so often, love is being sent in a marriage but is not received.

There are many different ways to express love. You can buy a present, say “I love you” out loud, give a compliment, be romantic and tender physically, abide by your loved one’s wishes, and spend time in focused attention. That’s just the beginning of the list. For centuries, thinkers have discerned forms of love. The Greeks had words to distinguish affection (storge), friendship (philos), erotic love (eros), and service (agape). There are other ways of breaking down expressions of love into categories. All forms of love are necessary, and none are to be ignored, but all of us find some forms of love to be more emotionally valuable to us. They are a currency that we find particularly precious, a language that delivers the message of love to our hearts with the most power. Some types of love are more thrilling and fulfilling to us when we receive them.

Why? Sometimes a particular form of love is more valuable because some significant person in your life was particularly inept at it. Sometimes a particular form of love is more valuable because some significant person in your life was particularly adept at it. Perhaps a form of love is crucial now because of your life circumstances. At any rate, some forms of love especially delight your heart. Anyone who wants to give you love needs to know what those forms are and to express his or her love in those ways.

We should do this for our spouses because God did this for us. When Moses asked to see God’s glory, he was told that he couldn’t see it, that it would be lethal. Yet in the gospel of John we read that God has come in

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