The Marriage Junkie by Sherry Gaba & Beth Adelman

Author:Sherry Gaba & Beth Adelman [Sherry Gaba, Lcsw & Adelman, Beth]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Motivational Press
Published: 2018-02-04T23:00:00+00:00

It is important for the marriage and relationship addict to create boundaries to keep them safe from the narcissist and to learn how to allow people into their space who are reliable and are not in the relationship only for themselves. (More about setting healthy boundaries in chapter 9.) They need to boost their self-esteem so they aren’t reliant on another person to provide them with a sense of worthiness and self-confidence.

It is very common for the narcissist to actively undermine the efforts of their prey to gain strength and change behavior. Yes, they will eventually end the relationship, but it can only be on their terms. As they see the changes in their partner they may become more abusive, fear abandonment, and go back to the original seductive, charming behavior to try to stop their partner from leaving. It will be critical for the marriage and relationship addict to see this behavior for what it is—an escalation in narcissism. Psychotherapy, support groups, and reliable friends are all important parts of breaking away from that pattern.

Why Do We Pick the Wrong Partners?

What is it about women, especially, that we settle for less or believe having someone (anyone) is better than having no one? How many friends do you know who have gotten married with this attitude, only to end up in divorce court? In my practice, I (Sherry) have noticed many women settle because they believe time is running out for having children or fear that all the available men out there prefer to marry younger women, or are afraid the pool of available men is dwindling. These women would do a lot better if they looked inward to understand why they are attracting the wrong guys. Or perhaps appreciated the time alone for personal growth.

» What self-limiting beliefs have you held on to—that there aren’t enough men to go around or that perhaps you are too old to attract anyone?

» Have you ever told yourself what you truly desire doesn’t exist and you will never find a better partner than whoever you are with now—no matter how unhappy that person makes you? Why do you believe that?

» Have you ever told yourself that no one will ever want you because you are not thin enough, young enough, don’t make enough money or have too much baggage?

» What social norms are you buying into that are keeping you frozen in the belief you must be married?

» Are you comparing your relationship with others? Do you live in the illusion that they must be happier because they are married and you’re not?

» When did getting a ring on your finger become more important than self-respect?

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