The lost art of listening by Michael P. Nichols

Author:Michael P. Nichols [Nichols, Michael P.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781572301313
Publisher: New York : Guilford Press, c1995.
Published: 2009-02-16T05:00:00+00:00

Empathy Begins with Openness 161

The best way to avoid cutting people off is to concentrate on what they’re trying to say. Give them a chance to make their point, acknowledge it, and then say your piece. Don’t pounce at the first pause. Curb the impulse to switch the focus to you and what’s on your mind. Don’t tell every story that crops into your head. (I wince as I write this.) Stop and consider whether your comment would encourage the speaker to say more or take over the conversation.

“When Is It My Turn?”

Sometimes we don’t listen because we’ve developed habits that interfere with openness. We make assumptions, we react emotionally, and we focus on what we have to say. We seem to be listening, but we can’t resist giving our feelings, our experience, our advice, our opinion.

How do you overcome focusing on what you have to say? Make an effort. Often what you have to say is fine, but it skips hearing and acknowledging what the other person was saying.

Not: “I hate my job.”

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