The Life Well Lived by Jim Lucey

Author:Jim Lucey
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781473541856
Publisher: Transworld

Thursday, 30 April 2015

We talk about the concept of a ‘road map’, connecting Barbara’s recovery to Robert’s. We look at the mindful approach offered by CRAFT.

‘Bob copes by drinking – it’s what he chooses to do. He says he doesn’t need any help. He still says the drink helps him. I think it anaesthetizes him. He drinks in the evening and in the morning, in company and alone.’

‘And can you always tell when Robert’s been drinking?’

‘Yeah, Imelda asked me about this. I can tell because his voice changes. And he gets more irritable, you know? He starts giving out more, gets teary and maudlin talking about Marie and about his accident.’

‘So you can recognize his drinking signs? That’s going to be very helpful.’

‘Yes, I am learning they’re the times it usually ends in a row. Imelda is telling me that the rows have to stop before it gets out of hand. Still, sometimes I worry that you people think this whole thing is my fault, you know?’

‘But it’s not your fault, Barbara. We all know this isn’t about blaming you.’

‘I suppose. Imelda is helping me feel better about that now. I’m not blaming myself as much as I used to. And I have taken her advice to stop pleading with him. However much I want to argue, those days are over.’

‘That’s got to be good, at least for you. Tell me, Barbara, has Robert ever been violent?’

‘No, never. Imelda asked me that too, but there’s no danger of that.’

‘It is very important to us that you’re safe. That’s paramount.’

‘Well, I am. Bob would never do anything like that to me, drunk or sober. And I would never put up with that.’

‘Has Robert ever had any other alcohol-related problems – road traffic accidents, falls, head injuries or fits? Anything like that?’

‘No, not unless you count being depressed or not being able to turn up for work. Do you count those things?’

‘Yes, we do.’

‘And trying to kill himself … Do you count that, doctor?’

‘Absolutely, of course we do, Barbara.’

‘Ah, maybe you think I’m being too hard on you. Making a point! I can see you’re not heartless. But, really, what is the use of all of these detailed questions to me about Bob? Granted, I am much better in myself. But what can you do for Bob?’

‘Barbara, do you remember we had this conversation last time we met? It’s like this. You being well is a first step. Gathering all of the information about Robert’s drinking will help you make the next step.’

‘And what is the next step?’

‘Let’s call it the “road map”. And with this map, we’ll have a way of planning for tomorrow, for your tomorrow and for Robert’s as well.’

‘Most people say to me I’m wasting my time, no good will happen until Bob hits rock bottom, whenever that happens.’

‘The rock bottom approach seems very brutal and very simplistic to me, Barbara. Let’s not take that route. Let’s take the CRAFT approach, which is very different.’

‘So what does CRAFT say is the next step?’

‘CRAFT involves you changing your behaviour, Barbara.

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