the joy of text by Kristina grish

Author:Kristina grish
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: SIMON SPOTLIGHT ENTERTAINMENT
Published: 1995-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

04

>>type the talk

WHEN TECHNO-RELATING WITH YOUR HUNK DU jour, you’re interacting in a world that’s both familiar and intangible at the same time. And as I’ve said before, using technology as a main vehicle for communication tends to warp time, escalate expectations, and create a sense of assumed intimacy. This means that as the evolution of your relationship soars at an unfamiliar pace, so does the process of learning about your guy. Consequently, how you understand your connection will inevitably affect your self-image, sexual excitement, and in general, who you are and how you handle living in a world of constant interruptions and compulsive energy. The last thing you want is for your budding rapport to be clunky, misunderstood, unnatural, awkward, or uncomfortable. When it comes to dating and technology, the words “go with the flow” have become altogether archaic. Either that, or the flow’s morphed into a rush.

Though I could easily wax poetic on this topic, I’d rather mix things up with expert opinions for credibility’s sake. “Couples send technology-driven messages out into the world without a lot of forethought,” says sex therapist Patti Britton, PhD and president of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT). “We’ve developed this manic finger behavior that’s very commonly a knee-jerk reaction to a feeling or mood someone’s sent our way.” It’s so true, isn’t it?

When we don’t balance cyber and live interactions, Dr. Britton asserts that one-dimensional communication devices dehumanize the initial dating process. So even if you’re essentially having more human contact with more people via technology, it’s a very thin slice of the real thing. She warns against expecting too much, too fast—and adds that just because you’re connecting multiple times a day with a crush doesn’t mean your interactions are meaningful. “Techno-relating can throw a relationship into overdrive before you’re even in first gear,” she says. “It takes time to know somebody and develop a relationship beyond quips and flirtations on a screen.” Consequently, Dr. Britton says we need to be incredibly self-aware about how we feel every step of the way—because it’s easy to substitute real knowledge about a person with an “idealized fantasy.”

So how should you acknowledge these tricky psychological elements—yet still build interest while maintaining sanity? As you know, the ability to connect with (and even better, arouse) a person over technology is incredibly powerful, especially since so much is left to the imagination. Yet knowing how to make this work for, and not against, your intentions is what will separate you from the competition and keep you off your analyst’s couch. There’s something to be said for romantic anticipation when baiting and snagging a mate—and in case you haven’t realized it yet, techno-relating is an exercise in extremes. If it doesn’t speed the courtship process, then it forces us to slow down. There’s no middle ground, no sense of controlled pacing. I can’t stress enough that the most reliable way to understand the quality of your coupling—every step of the way—is to use online communication to reinforce, not define, your relationship.

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