The Heart of Dominance: a guide to practicing consensual dominance by Anton Fulmen

Author:Anton Fulmen [Fulmen, Anton]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Published: 2016-05-30T21:00:00+00:00

8. Taking Charge

A Fantasy: Rule #1

"I want to be yours."

"I'm delighted to hear that. I have a rule, though. One most important rule that anyone who wants to belong to me has to follow. Ready to hear the most important rule?"

"I think so."

"The most important rule is that, in all things related to your submission to me, you have to be as honest with me as you possibly can. Say this for me: 'Honesty is my first duty. I will always give my owner the truth.'"

"I will always give my owner the truth."

"No. Say the whole thing: 'Honesty is my first duty. I will always give my owner the truth.'"

"Honesty is my first duty. I will always give my owner the truth."

"Better. So if I ask you a question and you think you know what answer I'm hoping to hear, are you going to tell me what I want to hear or are you going to tell me the truth?"

"I'll tell you the truth."

"Repeat the whole rule back to me, word for word."

"Um... Honesty is my first duty. I will always give my owner the truth."

"Very good. And if there's an answer that you think a good submissive would give, are you going to tell me what a good submissive would say or are you going to tell me the truth?"

"Honesty is my first duty. I will always give my owner the truth."

"Now you're getting it. If there's something that I haven't asked about, but you have a hunch I might want to know, are you going to stay silent or are you going to tell me the truth?"

"Honesty is my first duty. I will always give my owner the truth." The recitation was already starting to take on the smooth cadence of a mantra.

"Perfect. Can you accept my rule number one, and obey it with all your heart?"

"Yes."

"Then tell me about what you want to get out of being mine."

Negotiation

Those three fundamental skills—finding comfort, creating safety and forging connection—underlie everything we do in the practice of dominance. With an understanding of them in place, we're ready to take a more concrete look at how to take charge of a partner: the process of getting from

"Hello. Nice to meet you."

to

"If I can't see my reflection in these boots tomorrow, I will whip you `til you can't sit for a week!"

In kinky culture, that process is commonly known as negotiation. It's most often thought of and talked about as something that happens between two people before the very first time they play together, but there are elements of negotiation involved every time we switch between different containers with our partners. The negotiation between partners with a strong rapport, for stepping into a kind of dominance that they've been doing together for years, might be as quick and simple as "Up for being my dog tonight?"—but it's still a negotiation at heart.

Even always-on containers that we don't switch in and out of can benefit from the occasional renegotiation, just to make sure that we and our partner are still on the same page.

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