The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire

Author:Sheila Wray Gregoire
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Marriage / Sexuality;Sex—Religious aspects—Christianity;Sex—Biblical teaching;Christian women—Sexual behavior;REL012070;REL012130;FAM029000
ISBN: 9781493428809
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Published: 2021-01-26T00:00:00+00:00

CHECK-IN: Are you holding your marriage back by not making it—and sex—a priority? What could your life look like if you put more energy and attention into your spouse?

When Deep-Seated Problems Aren’t Being Addressed

Nevertheless, let’s not be quick to assume that a spouse withholding sex is always doing so for selfish or sinful reasons. Sexual abuse and subsequent trauma are widespread, and if this is your spouse’s story, they need your grace and patience. You have an opportunity to be Jesus’s hands and feet in your spouse’s healing journey. Do not take that role lightly.

Rachael Denhollander became a household name after her brilliant and impassioned victim impact statement at the trial of Larry Nassar, who sexually abused hundreds of young girls and women. Rachael was the first to publicly come forward, and she was the face of the fight. In her autobiography, What Is a Girl Worth?, she recounts the night she disclosed to her then boyfriend (now husband), Jacob, the abuse she had experienced. Here is Jacob’s response:

“You need to know this does not diminish your value. This doesn’t make me think less of you. . . . All this does is give me direction for how to best serve and care for you. Honestly . . .” He laughed just a bit. “I’ve been wondering this whole time what I could possibly bring to the relationship. You are intelligent, kind, accomplished; there’s nothing I could add to that. But walking alongside you is something I can do. If God keeps leading us together, I can walk with you through this.” He paused one more time. “And that would be a privilege.”4

If you are a spouse who is struggling with sexual trauma, please know that many have found healing. As Denhollander told us herself, “Working through the abuse together can be a long road, but it is a beautiful, redemptive road. Eventually, associations will be reshaped into the positive memories and experiences, and a safe, secure, tender spouse can bring a depth of healing that seems beyond possible.”

Take advantage of the opportunities God has given us through licensed trauma counselors, pelvic floor physiotherapists, and a myriad of other mental health and medical professionals. This is a journey, and sometimes a long one, but take heart that it can be a “beautiful, redemptive road.”

But what if a spouse’s hesitation toward sex isn’t due to trauma but sexual dysfunction issues? Not wanting sex when you’re dealing with sexual dysfunction is a perfectly understandable and normal response. But whatever the sexual dysfunction, if it impedes libido and makes sex difficult or impossible, it is incumbent upon that spouse to seek and follow medical treatments. All three of us writing this book have been treated for sexual pain at one time or another, so we are not telling you to do anything we have not done ourselves. Dilators, internal massages, perineal stretches, the works—it’s not fun, but it gets the job done.

Our survey also found that male sexual dysfunction, including erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation, makes a marriage 4.

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