The Great Puke-Off by Pat Pollari

Author:Pat Pollari [Pollari, Pat]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Humorous Stories, Fiction, Barf-O-Rama, Humor, Juvenile Fiction
ISBN: 9780553484069
Google: p-OZHCLwmagC
Amazon: 0553484060
Publisher: Skylark
Published: 1996-06-02T05:00:00+00:00

EIGHT

The Chapman twins' birthday party started about two in the afternoon. But by that time me and Allie and Zoner and Lester had already spent hours in careful preparation. We had crisscrossed the park, armed with rubber gloves and plastic bags. We had purchased two large cans of Crisco shortening. We had swiped some panty hose from Zoner's big sister.

And we had drunk huge amounts of iced tea and water, and now our Super Soaker water guns were loaded. Only, not with water.

We hid behind some shrubs across the street from the Chapman house. I slung my Super-Soaker onto my shoulder. I raised my binoculars to my eyes and took a good, long look.

“Almost everyone is in the pool,” I reported.

It was one of those above ground pools. The sides looked about four feet high. There was a narrow wooden deck around the sides.

“There's Darren,” I said. I focused the binoculars on him. He was standing on the deck in his bathing suit. “Go ahead, Darren,” I whispered. “Jump on in.”

“We can't do it unless both the twins are in the pool,” Allie said.

“Agreed. And it would be nice to have Skank and Willie in there, too.”

Darren refused to go in, though. It was starting to worry me. Maybe he was afraid of the water or something. Also the contents of our plastic bags were starting to get kind of ripe.

And with the sun beating down on us the Crisco was getting mushy.

“There he goes!” I cried. “Darren is in the pool!” I put down the binoculars. “All right. Just like we rehearsed. Panty hose, ON!”

We each had a single panty hose leg. We now pulled them on over our heads and down over our faces. They smushed our features and made us harder to recognize. I did a quick adult check. I didn't see any. If Mr. Chapman was there, he was well hidden. We would just have to take our chances. No guts, no glory.

“Allie? Zoner? Ready with Crisco?”

They both nodded and removed the plastic lids of their Crisco cans.

“Okay, and Lester and I are ready with the bags,” I said. “Okay. Everyone PUMP UP!”

We all began pumping our Super Soakers.

“I'm pumped!” Zoner cried when his water gun was at full power.

I looked around at my friends. It almost gave me a little lump in my throat to see the brave looks on their faces. Although their faces looked squished in the panty hose.

“Remember the Fart Closet!” I cried. “Now, let's go get some PAYBACK!”

We ran across the street. The partyers were either in the pool or on the lawn around the pool. Most of them never even, saw us coming. Or if they did see us, they didn't know how scared they should be.

We achieved almost total surprise.

“Crisco!” I cried.

Instantly Allie and Zoner ran to opposite sides of the aboveground pool. Each of them dipped a hand into the white grease. Then they smeared the shortening on the top edge of the pool. Allie is shorter, so she took the area where there was no deck.

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