The Foundation: A Blueprint for Becoming an Authentically Attractive Man by Michael Owen

Author:Michael Owen [Owen, Michael]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2023-04-10T00:00:00+00:00

How do you wish to treat others, and expect those you associate with to treat others?

What matters most to you in life, and what are you willing to sacrifice for it?

What are your admirable qualities?

What are some negative aspects of your personality you wish to work on?

These are just some examples, but it’s extremely important that you take time to reflect on who you are, even if it can be uncomfortable. I truly believe those who are without a fundamental sense of who they are—at least about the things that matter—will face continual difficulties in life, particularly with women. Before you focus on trying to be attractive to others, you first have to gain a sense of self and determine your own personal code of ethics. The root of the problem for people-pleasers and Nice Guys is that they are defined by the opinions and thoughts of others; they don’t have an internal compass. Many guys can begin to transition from the Nice Guy mindset by simply defining what matters to them the most, and what they’re unwilling to compromise.

Writing down a personal mission statement is extremely useful. Chapter nine contains a personal mission statement exercise regarding personal independence, but the template can be applied to anything. Although it may sound odd or slightly cheesy at first, writing a personal mission statement that means something to you, and referencing it daily, will make a profound impact.

R3 Boundary Framework

Some misconstrue the concept of enforcing personal boundaries. They believe it means that you have to be controlling, rigid, or that the slightest possible hint of disrespect should be met with swift consequences, like an immediate breakup. Settle down, cowboy. Weak, insecure men often take this approach, which ultimately causes those around them to lose respect for their boundaries, especially in relationships. Good luck trying to control an intelligent, self-assured woman. Remember—the calm, centered guy always wins. Guys who lose their cool aren’t taken seriously. The most effective way to state boundaries is in a grounded, ethical manner, which I’ve named the R3 Approach:

Reasonable, Respectful, Reciprocated

Here’s a brief explanation of each:

Reasonable. Boundaries aren’t supposed to be a litany of demands. They are personal redlines that would cause you emotional harm if crossed. Reasonable boundaries define how you expect to be treated. For instance, it’s reasonable to expect your partner not to talk flirtatiously behind your back to others. However, it’s unreasonable to expect them to never be attracted to other people. Another example: It’s reasonable to expect someone to not use insults with the intent to harm; it’s unreasonable to demand they never tease or criticize you. A big component of this is being clear. You have to communicate what they specifically did, why you feel the way you feel, and what the actual results will be if the boundary is violated again.

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