The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating by David M. Buss

Author:David M. Buss [Buss, David M.]
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
ISBN: 9780465093304
Publisher: Basic Books
Published: 2016-12-26T19:00:00+00:00

Repelling Mate Poachers

Like many species, humans show proprietary attitudes toward their possessions and toward their mates. One method for signaling ownership is a public marking that tells rivals to stay away. Public signals of possession can be verbal, as in introducing a person as a spouse or lover and bragging about a mate to friends. Public signals can be physical, such as holding hands with or putting one’s arm around a mate in front of other people. Public signals can also be ornamental, such as asking a mate to wear one’s jacket, giving jewelry that signifies that the person is taken, and displaying a Facebook relationship status to signify that the person is taken.

Although men and women do not differ in how often they use these public measures to repel mate poachers, our expert panel judged the signals to be significantly more effective when used by men than by women.43 The reason may be that public signals provide a strong cue to the woman of a man’s intent to commit. An engagement ring, for example, sends a strong signal to potential mate poachers. Verbal, physical, and ornamental displays attain their effectiveness by dissuading potential competitors, just as the male insect who mingles his scent with that of the female causes rivals to seek other mates who are uncontested. These displays also communicate a commitment that fulfills women’s long-term desires.

Maintaining vigilance is an additional means that both sexes use to keep their mates away from others. An animal analogue occurs among the male elephant seals on the California coast. They maintain a vigil against rivals and female defections by patrolling the perimeter of their harem. Calling a mate at unexpected times, reading his or her email, or monitoring Facebook posts are human exercises of vigilance. Vigilance represents an effort to detect whether there are any signs of defection in the mate. Vigilance also conveys a message to a mate that evidence of consorting with rivals will be detected and acted upon. People in our evolutionary past who were not vigilant experienced more defections than those who kept a watchful eye.

The tactic of concealing mates is closely related to vigilance. The male wasp whisks his mate away from the path that might be tracked by other males. Men and women conceal their mates by refusing to take them to parties where competitors will be present, refusing to introduce them to friends who might mate-poach, and taking them away from gatherings filled with potential competitors. Concealment attains its effectiveness by reducing the contact of mates with rivals and reducing the opportunities for mates to assess alternative mating prospects.

A close cousin of concealment is monopolizing a mate’s time—insisting that all free time be spent together and monopolizing the mate at social gatherings. Monopolizing a mate prevents that person from having contact with potential rivals who could poach him or her or be appealing as an attractive alternative.

These forms of mate retention have historical and cross-cultural precedents. Claustration, or the concealment of women to prevent their contact with potential sexual partners, provides a vivid example of mate monopolization.

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