The Complete Mother of the Groom by Sydell Rabin

Author:Sydell Rabin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Adams Media, an F+W Media Company
Published: 2009-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

7.

Money Matters

MONEY IN THE WEDDING IS the silent, powerful presence that everyone knows is there and that no one really likes to talk about. Who pays for this party? Wedding costs have grown exponentially. Most weddings now are spectacular events that, even on a modest scale, run into thousands of dollars. Who pays for it depends on the finances and the sensitivities of the people involved. Traditionally it was the bride’s family, but today the bride and groom frequently assume financial responsibility. But it could also be the groom’s family—or a combination of all the parties involved. Your offer to help pay some of the expenses, therefore, will not only be appropriate but more than likely welcome. When you make such an offer, however, you want to be tactful, generous, and gracious. And you can be all three.

The Gift

By tradition, the bride’s family pays for the wedding. Even before the cost of weddings escalated, however, it was not uncommon for the groom’s parents to offer their son a sum of money and let him and his bride decide how to spend it— either on the wedding itself, on the honeymoon, or on some furnishing for their new home. It was, and still is, in the nature of a wedding present as the parents give their son a handsome check. There’s no negotiating here and no need to involve the bride’s family.

Looking at Money in a Different Way

“Money, which represents the prose of life, and which is hardly spoken of in parlors without an apology, is in its effects and laws as beautiful as roses.”—Emerson

Variations on a Theme

Many different financial scenarios have been used to pay for the wedding, and all are acceptable because you know two things. You would like your son to be married in the kind of wedding that he and his future wife want, and you know that whether it’s a simple wedding at home or a ballroom extravaganza, the details add up, and weddings can cost a bundle.

Gina told me that at the very beginning of her son’s engagement, the bride’s family sat with her and her husband and asked them if they would be willing to share the cost of the wedding, fifty-fifty. It was perfectly all right with Gina, who had expected to contribute and who was pleased and relieved that the money situation was all up front.

On the other hand, Lucille and Frank were a little surprised when, at dinner one night, their son Jon brought up the cost of his forthcoming wedding. He had recently been employed by a banking firm, and his future wife worked as a technical assistant in a television studio. He and she had drawn up an account of the total expenses they anticipated for their wedding. Nothing exorbitant, it was the wedding they wanted and one they thought their parents would enjoy as well. They knew that they could not pay all of the costs without borrowing money. So they decided to ask their parents for financial help.

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