The Buddha Bar : A tale of hedonism and wanderlust by Ridgwell Joseph

Author:Ridgwell, Joseph [ Ridgwell, Joseph]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Lume Books
Published: 2021-04-07T00:00:00+00:00

22.

I awoke to screams and voices all around. Beside me was the bottle of tequila, lying on its side, empty. I wiped some sand from my face. Many people were sunbathing on the beach, the sun was high in the sky. Another ear-piercing scream forced me to look in the direction of the commotion. What the fuck? There was Karl staggering along the beach, holding a big fat woman in a bear hug. Another fat lady was running alongside, shouting and hitting him over the head with a plastic water bottle.

I picked up the tequila and drained the last couple of drops. What was Karl doing? He appeared to be trying to throw the fat lady into the sea. Despite being physically strong, the woman’s gargantuan frame was too much, and he floundered in the sand. He swayed from side to side, his left leg buckled, and they crumpled to the ground in an undignified mess. I tossed the tequila bottle aside and dashed over. Karl lay there grinning, while the woman flapped beneath him like a beached whale. Her friend shouted at me in German or Dutch or some other European shit. She was angry.

Karl opened his eyes, recognised me briefly, before closing them again.

‘Let’s get the fuck out of here!’ I yelled.

‘Ya baaaaaa,’ roared Karl.

I kicked him in the gut and slapped his face. He roared once more, but didn’t budge. I looked around. The women screamed hysterically. Nearby was a small boy building a sandcastle with bucket and spade. I rushed over and nicked the kids bucket and filled it with seawater. I chucked the briny contents over Karl’s comatose head. He roared with indignation, but the shock made him jump to his feet.

As we ran off down the beach I took a quick look behind. The fat woman was on all fours and pointing in our direction. Standing next to her was the little boy and father. The father shook an angry fist. The fat woman’s friend was with two Thai policemen. One of the policemen pulled out a gun. I pushed Karl.

‘Quick, no time to lose, back to the moped now!’

Karl rubbed his head, squinted his eyes, and smiled like a big dope.

‘Come on, move it,’ I ordered.

Somehow the scene had morphed from a great night’s adventure into a dangerous, liberty threatening situation. I screamed at Karl to hand me the keys to the scooter, but he just looked at me in blank confusion. I raided his pockets until finally, like a small miracle, I located the fuckers. We jumped on the bike and I lucked out and kick started the engine first time.

‘Right, don’t let go and don’t fall off,’ I yelled, before driving away from the beach without once looking back.

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