The Barometer by Lisadiane Kindred

Author:Lisadiane Kindred [Kindred, LisaDiane]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781477205129
Publisher: Author Solutions Inc.
Published: 2012-06-24T16:00:00+00:00

6

So What if the Best Friend is Hot

Jealousy is an emotion based on and fueled by insecurity and self doubt. That being said, nearly all of us get jealous sometimes. It’s as real and necessary an emotion as fear or joy because it is a barometer. It lets you know how you feel about someone, or at the very least, that you have feelings for someone, and just how strong they are. People don’t like feeling jealous because they don’t like feeling vulnerable or out of control. But jealousy shows that you’re human and therefore affected by what others do or say to you, perceived or real. Never dismiss your jealousy; it’s telling you something about yourself.

When you let your jealousy dictate your behavior negatively that’s when it becomes a problem. For example, when Jo* and Alex* started seeing each other Alex worked at a bar, so Jo would go up there frequently to visit Alex. While Alex worked, Jo would sit at the bar alone and wait for Alex to get a spare moment. Jo was attractive, and other patrons took notice. Seeing Jo sitting alone they would approach Jo, unaware that Jo was involved with Alex. Jo always turned the admires down but Alex would still get upset with Jo for even talking to other people; accusing Jo of smiling too much, holding conversations too long, and inviting the attention. Jo stopped coming to the bar and eventually Jo and Alex broke up.

Just as you have the ability to control your frustration, you can control your jealousy. Being jealous is not the problem; it’s what you do with that feeling, how you express it. The more aware you are of your emotions, the more in control you are of your reactions to them. Alex was jealous of the attention Jo was getting because Alex felt no one else should be able to get Jo’s attention. What most people fail to realize is that that angry feeling you get is actually you being mad at yourselves for feeling so inadequate. They seldom ask themselves, “Why do I feel like this?” Instead, people often get mad at their significant other, and take the anger out on him/her, usually asking, “Why does he/she do this to me?”

No one likes to think badly of themselves so you don’t think to blame yourselves for the jealousy. Truth is it’s not their fault. Jealousy comes from within; therefore, you need to own it. You need to admit you feel threatened, you feel inadequate, you feel inferior.

Most think jealousy and envy are interchangeable; synonymous. While they do share similar characteristics and can evoke the same feelings, there’s a difference. Envy is resentment for someone who has something you wish you had. Jealousy however is the feeling you get when you believe someone is a threat to you and could take away something you have—e.g. attention from or time with your loved one—because of something they have that you think you don’t. You’re jealous because you somehow see him/her as better than you.

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