The 7.56 Report by John Clarke

Author:John Clarke
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: HUM000000, HUM006000, HUM007000
ISBN: 9781921776816
Publisher: The Text Publishing Company
Published: 2008-07-26T04:00:00+00:00

THE HON. JOHN HOWARD AND PETER COSTELLO

In which the headmaster confronts matters head-on

All right. Sit down, the pair of you. Goodness gracious me. How many times do we have to have this conversation? I’ve got you both in here together and you are staying in after school until we sort this matter out. Now, Peter, what is going on?

P: Nothing.

Peter, please don’t tell me nothing is going on. I saw the two of you speaking to each other the way you did the other day. Now, it’s just not good enough. Everyone heard it. John, what is going on?

J: I wasn’t here the other day. I was, er, down the shops.

You weren’t down the shops, John, you were here—I saw you. Look, the problem we’ve got here is you are both senior boys. Do you understand the effect this is going to have on some of the young ones if they see what you are doing? Now, Peter, what is going on?

P: Well, John won’t let me have a go on the bike. Everyone knows it’s my turn next. It’s on the noticeboard. It’s been on the noticeboard for ages and he goes round and round and round. He’s selfish. He’s never going to give me a go on the bike. I’m never going to get a go on the bike now.

J: You don’t even know how to have a go on the bike. I mean, it’s no use you saying you want to go on the bike. You keep saying you want a go on the bike. It’s no use if I’m really good at going on the bike and I pull over and give it to you and you go and hit a wall because you don’t even know what you’re doing on the bike. That’s no use at all.

P: You said you would give me a go on the bike.

All right, boys.

J: Well, I will. I just haven’t finished yet. I will give you a go.

P: You’re never going to finish. You just said you’d give me a go on the bike so I don’t push you off.

All right, boys.

J: You couldn’t push a pumpkin down a hill, you great puff-ball.

Boys! Boys!

P: You’re an idiot.

J: You stink.

P: Your bum sticks out, anyway.

All right. Listen. Enough is enough. I expected a little bit more maturity particularly from you, John. Please. Are you going to give Peter a go on the bike at some stage?

J: Yes.

Well, when?

J: Later.

P: Yes, what does that mean? I’m never going to get a go on the bike.(Repeats.) I’m never going to get a go on the bike!

Listen, stop it. OK. I’ll tell you what concerns me about this, both of you. It is this: while you’ve been arguing, a truck has driven over the oval, there are big skid marks everywhere. On top of that, the goal posts are missing, and the science block has burnt down. Incidentally, do either of you boys know a boy called Downer?

J: No.

P: No.

Well, he’s got his head stuck in the toilet.

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