Take the Bully by the Horns: Stop Unethical, Uncooperative, or Unpleasant People from Running and Ruining Your Life

Author:Horn, Sam [Horn, Sam]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: St. Martin's Press
Published: 2003-09-09T00:00:00+00:00

Cease the Tease

If I be waspish, best beware my sting.

—WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, THE TAMING OF THE SHREW

1. REMOVE THE INCENTIVE. Teasers do not pick on people who are impervious to their taunts. They target vulnerable individuals who reward them with satisfying overreactions. Stammering, blushing, crying, or becoming offended are all signs of victory to a bully. Desensitize yourself and understand that anything you’re embarrassed about is ammunition to a bully. If you’re overweight or have acne, you’re going to hear about it. A young man I know in Hawaii who’s a talented athlete is also pigeon-toed. He says, “It used to bother me when kids gave me a hard time about it, but then I realized I better learn to shrug it off. Now if someone brings it up, I tell ’em they’re just jealous because being pigeon-toed lets me grip my board with my toes and gives me better balance surfing.”

2. FIGURE OUT WHAT THE TEASER IS TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH. Check facial expression to see if the teaser is being playful or punitive. If teasers have a spiteful gleam in their eye, they may be deliberately trying to one-up you. If they have more of a twinkle in their eye, this could simply be an example of their adolescent sense of humor. A teaser is usually trying to rile you by tossing out a taunt that elicits an emotional rebuttal. However, teasing can also be a socially clumsy way of engaging you in conversation and getting your attention. It’s an immature “grim and bear it” way to get a reaction, any reaction, rather than be ignored. This could be an awkward way to try to connect with you.

3. GIVE THEM A DOSE OF THEIR OWN MEDICINE. Beating teasers at their own game makes this a losing proposition for them. If you have fun with them, they’ll no longer be able to make fun of you. Say, “Hey, it’s Teaser Weezer. Or should I say the Teaser Weasel? Okay, give me your best shot. Trot ’em out. Let’s see what you’ve got today.” Turn the table on the teaser with “Look who’s talking.” “Boy, is this the pot calling the kettle black, or what?” If teasers protest, say, “You can dish it out, you just can’t take it, is that the way it is?” When you meet teasers tit for tat, rap for rap, they’re not controlling the situation, you are.

4. WORK THE CROWD. Is the teaser playing to an audience? If there are people around, the teaser is hoping to heighten his or her status by taking you down. The key in this situation is to talk to the group, not to the teaser. “Joe’s at it again, picking on people he wishes were his size.” In this way you’re linking yourselves with them. Now it’s not him against you, it’s you and the group against him. Outnumbered, he’ll probably slink away and think twice before taking you on again.

5. HEAVE A SIGH AND ROLL YOUR EYES IN MOCK EXASPERATION. Teasers want to aggravate you.

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