Spirit-Centered Relationships by Gay Hendricks

Author:Gay Hendricks
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hay House, Inc.
Published: 2012-07-14T16:00:00+00:00

Listening from Your Spiritual Center

Let’s shift gears here for a moment and imagine that your mate says, “You never bring me flowers anymore.” If you slip into ego-centered listening, you’ll immediately start to defend yourself. That’s what we usually see people doing at first, before they experience the magic of spirit-centered listening. It’s a very common way to respond, and it nearly always provokes a conflict.

When Partner A says, “You never bring me flowers anymore,” in ego-centered listening, Partner B hears that statement as an attack. Partner B then gets defensive and demands, “What do you mean? Don’t you remember that I brought you some roses on your birthday last year? I still have the receipt if you want to see it.”

“That completely misses the point,” says Partner A, with a heavy sigh.

And they’re off and running around the well-worn track of a familiar argument.

If you’re listening from your own spiritual center, however, you won’t hear Partner A’s statement as an attack. Instead, you’ll hear deeper levels of what Partner A is actually saying.

You see, your spiritual center is always in a state of wonder and playful curiosity about who you really are and what you’re becoming—as well as who others really are and what they’re capable of becoming. The intention behind spirit-centered listening is to evoke the truth of what people are feeling while opening a new space of possibility for them to reach their goals.

In spirit-centered listening, you know that this conversation isn’t really about the flowers, because you’re able to hear the spirit of other people’s communication instead of just the words. So you hear Partner A saying, “I feel sad about what we’ve lost, and I want to reestablish a deep connection with you.”

As you get skilled in spirit-centered listening, you’ll begin to hear the feelings and the heartfelt intentions of other people more clearly. This doesn’t mean that you have to overlook your own feelings and heartfelt intentions in favor of hearing others. As you’ll see when you do the experiential process on the following pages, to practice spirit-centered listening is to be aware of your own feelings and inner experiences as you listen to your partner. In spirit-centered listening, you become presently aware of your own spiritual essence as you listen. From the open space of complete acceptance and deep connection you’re offering, the person speaking to you opens a space of acceptance and connection in him- or herself.

Give yourself time to learn, though, and plenty of loving acceptance for being clumsy at it in the beginning. Even after practicing spirit-centered listening for 20-plus years, we still feel the pull of the ol’ ego from time to time. Because we’ve practiced so much, though, we find that we don’t get stuck in it for very long. It’s important to keep in mind that when you’re in touch with your spiritual center, you still have your ego, but your ego doesn’t have you. That’s because the feeling of spirit living within you provides a space or container for your ego and your emotions.

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