Soar : How Boys Learn, Succeed, and Develop Character by Banks David; Lichtenberg G. F

Author:Banks, David; Lichtenberg, G. F.
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

DIRECT HELP FOR PARENTS

From 6:45 to 7:30, weekday mornings, Principal Meade of Eagle Academy in Brooklyn answers phone calls from parents. The questions range from what to do about a young man who is physically aggressive with his mother to how to handle a boy who won’t shower. Mr. Meade takes this time to help with the specific issues parents call about, but also to build a deeper respect and trust. Many parents start out (sometimes with good reason) concerned that school principals and teachers don’t understand the real-life troubles they face in raising their sons. Mr. Meade makes a point of letting parents know that he grew up in a housing project in a similar neighborhood and that his background is not dissimilar to that of some of his students and their parents. As he explains, the parents “have to see you on the front lines. Otherwise they’ll make excuses to discount what you say. If there’s a dispute with a white teacher, he or she must be a racist. With a black teacher? ‘Didn’t grow up where I grew up.’ ”

Once Mr. Meade establishes that he has personal knowledge of the challenges facing the parents, and even more important, once they see him on the front lines, showing up every day to look after their children with genuine commitment and care, they are more likely to accept him as an authority. With work, parents and students alike will extend that trust to the faculty and the house system. So if, for example, a kid won’t shower when his mother tells him to, she can invoke the authority figures at the school. “If you won’t take care of yourself properly, I’m going to have to call Mr. Meade.” And often the rebellious young man will stand down, because he doesn’t want to disappoint his principal or his house brothers. At the same time, if there is someone at the school who has created a bond of trust with the young man, then that person can have a conversation with him about the importance of hygiene or of talking to one’s mother in a respectful way, even when he disagrees with her point of view. The school and the parents begin to work together to improve their relationships with the young men, and that brings the parents a little deeper into their relationship with the school. “The parents are thankful,” Mr. Meade says, “to have access to that.”

Sometimes it’s the parents, not the student, who need assistance to see a situation in a more productive way. I remember a mother who called me once, worried because her son had been asked to participate in an after-school program called Project Read that would require him to travel on his own to a different neighborhood. She was a single mother, without another adult in the house to share the responsibility of deciding when her son was old enough to take new risks and enjoy new freedoms. I told her, “Mom, you’ve got

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