Should I Leave Him? by Carol R. Doss

Author:Carol R. Doss
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Adams Media, Inc.
Published: 2010-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

The Lure of the Chase

There’s something hot and powerful about chasing and then getting what you want. If that’s the basis of the relationship you’re in, ask yourself why. Maybe you were the one running and he finally caught you, but doesn’t seem all that interested now that you’re his. Either way, this relationship needs some bones—some solid, continuing benefit for both of you. If the lure of the hunt got you into this relationship (one way or another), and you haven’t just moved on to the next “goal,” ask yourself what else you’re getting from it now.

You need to figure out what it meant to you when you first caught him. Was there some sense of pride for you? Did you think it meant you were sexy and powerful? You might have gotten off on the challenge. The problem is that this reason alone is pretty hollow. If you examine your feelings, you might care more for the hunted than you originally thought. You might have chased him originally for the rush of getting him, but perhaps now he’s more than an object to be chased.

If, on the other hand, you were the hunted, you need to sift through this relationship thoroughly to find the real value between the two of you. It may not be obvious. If you find that your mate has no desire to be with you for who you are, ask yourself why you’re still here.

Don’t Fall for the I Never Really Loved Him Fallacy

Lots of people—when in the midst of relationship hell—want to believe that they never really loved this person. They certainly don’t feel loving now. After a recent conflict, it’s common to think you must have been crazy to get with this guy in the first place. Don’t write him off without giving the beginning of your relationship some serious thought.

As we’ve discussed in this chapter, just because you’re struggling now doesn’t mean those things don’t still count. You need to remember this and factor it into the decision you’re trying to make.

Recognize Your Positive Steps

When you’re distressed in a relationship, remembering the reasons you first fell for a guy can be difficult. By letting yourself revisit these emotions, you’re believing in yourself and you’re preparing yourself to move forward. If you deny or reject your initial feelings, you’re simply falsifying the record to suit your current mood.

It might be that the reason you now dislike him a lot and think he’ll never change is that you’re just done with this relationship. Only you can decide when you have given it all you can. Lots of people may be offering commentary and advice, but only you truly know when there’s still something left that’s worth fighting for and when the relationship is dead.

• You should stay if: You’d fall in love with this same guy all over again.

• You should leave if: The relationship was based on something other than love, and love never developed when the two of you were together.

Exercises and Affirmations

Try to be as fair to yourself as you’ve been trying to be to him.

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