Shock Waves by Cynthia Orange

Author:Cynthia Orange
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9781592859924
Publisher: Hazelden Publishing
Published: 2010-05-27T22:00:00+00:00

Listening with the Ear in Your Heart

In Storycatcher, Baldwin points out how the word heart has within it the word ear. Attentive listening is an art we can practice so when our traumatized loved one is ready to talk, we can listen with open heart, open mind, and open ears. This is not a simple task. It isn’t easy to be an active listener in today’s world filled with so much noise, so many distractions, and too much to do. Instead of emptying our minds so we can really hear what someone is saying, we are often so eager to get our point across that we don’t really pay attention to the speaker.

Deep listening can be transformational. It conveys respect and can empower a speaker by boosting self-esteem. When we listen attentively to someone, we convey the message, “This is important; you are important.” An adult who listens respectfully makes a better employer, coworker, spouse, parent, and friend. A child who is listened to attentively is more likely to share things with a parent. And it’s an honor for listeners when someone trusts you enough to share their thoughts and feelings.

My husband didn’t want anything to do with me or the family. I kept asking him if I had done something, but he’d just sulk off. Things finally got so bad he went to see a therapist who deals with PTSD. Part of his “desensitization” homework was to tell me some things that had happened to him. He told me some of his nightmares and experiences, and it was such a relief to have him finally open up and to know that I wasn’t causing what was going on with him. Little by little he’s showing more emotion now, and I get glimpses of the guy I married. He actually cried the last time we talked.

We may think we’re good listeners, but most of us are usually more interested in our own thoughts and words, or too distracted with our own interests or concerns, to listen deeply to someone else. We all know how it feels not to be listened to—when we’re in the middle of telling a story and a listener looks away, or gets up to get a beverage in the middle of our sentence, or interrupts us with their story or to make a point or argue.

I went to see a therapist, but it seemed like she was more interested in telling her story than listening to mine. She talked about her recent surgery and discomfort, then turned her back to me while she took notes on her computer. It wasn’t until the last third of the session that I finally got to speak.

Being really listened to is a wonderful experience. When we feel heard, we feel cared for and respected. Our self-esteem and self-confidence grow, and our relationships usually improve. Attentive listening is a skill we can all hone. Active listeners learn to

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