Secrets in the Sky: a Saffron Sweeting novel by Pauline Wiles

Author:Pauline Wiles [Wiles, Pauline]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
ISBN: 9780988973121
Published: 2015-02-26T05:00:00+00:00

~~~

‘So I came home last night and found a bra in the chocolate mousse,’ Bella says. ‘And I don’t think it’s mine.’

I raise my head from my hands. She’s actually dangling a chocolate-dipped lacy bra from one finger.

‘You’re right,’ I say, speaking at a pace to match the thumping in my brain. ‘It’s not yours.’

Bella sits down at the kitchen table. ‘Did you and Joey – ?’

I nod, but only once, because the movement triggers a dizzy nausea.

‘Wow, you look awful,’ Bella says. ‘Like someone died. Again.’

Bella’s not known for her wit but she’s hit that nail on the head. I accept her offer of a breakfast smoothie. Then I tell her about mum finding my passport, me finding Wol’s photo album, and mum finding the decency, after all these years, to tell me the truth. Then I concede that this led to Joey finding his way into my knickers.

‘Okay, so the thing with your grandad, that’s terrible,’ Bella says, when I’m finished. ‘But it doesn’t mean he was a bad person, just because he… died in bad circumstances.’

I suck the last of the smoothie through the straw, hopeful that yoghurt, strawberries and wheat germ can turn my life around, or at least my day.

‘He was the closest thing I had to a father,’ I say, swallowing a fresh jolt of pain along with the drink. ‘Dad was such a loser, but grandad read me stories and made me a dolls house and always had time for hugs. I can’t believe he’d do something that terrible.’

‘And you don’t remember anything fishy at the time?’

‘No. Maybe. I’m not sure. I’ve been thinking so hard about it, I’m not sure what I remember and what I might just be imagining.’

Bella nods, tilting her own glass to reach the bottom. ‘False memories. I’ve read about them.’ She looks at me quizzically. ‘Did he ever take you flying with him?’

I shrug. ‘I dunno. But it would make sense, right?’

‘Wow, yes.’ She exhales. ‘It most certainly would.’

There’s silence as we both think about the effect on a four-year-old of learning, or even sensing, that flying could kill someone she loves.

‘What about Joey?’ she asks. ‘Was it him I heard leaving around six this morning?’

‘Probably. I had my head under the pillow.’

Bella looks at my slumped posture and doleful expression. ‘You’re having second thoughts?’

‘Yeah.’ I put a hand over my eyes. ‘I pretty much decided I couldn’t let things go any further between us, until I shed a few of the lies I seem to be living.’

‘But you did? Let things go further?’

I can hardly ask for privacy now Bella’s found my underwear in the dessert she made. It was damn good mousse too. I hope we ate it all, beforehand.

‘Further? You could say that. In fact, you could say, all the bloody way.’

Bella’s lips twitch but she’s too loyal to laugh. ‘Well, don’t worry,’ she says, ‘I won’t go chasing after him to announce you’re pregnant.’

‘Thanks,’ I say dryly. ‘You’re a true pal.’

I consider telling her about the kiss with Tom, which so far I’ve avoided mentioning.

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