Sacred Search by Gary Thomas

Author:Gary Thomas
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Dating, Soul mate, Engagement, Marriage, Single, Sacred Marriage
Publisher: David C. Cook
Published: 2012-11-07T05:00:00+00:00

12

SOMETHING YOU MUST AGREE ABOUT

One of the saddest scenes my wife and I have ever seen took place at a resort wedding. We weren’t invited; we were merely spectators. But the context was as obvious as it was painful.

We were in Cabo, Mexico, on the Sea of Cortez. An hour or two before sunset, workers began scooping out a large heart shape in the sand, set up a table next to it, and surrounded the heart with lights. They sprinkled the heart with rose petals, and a little while later a middle-aged woman (we’re thinking this was a second wedding) walked down the walkway, alone, toward a solo man standing in the heart.

There were no witnesses except for another tourist couple who had been asked to fill in. Their casual dress contrasted with the beautiful white dress of the bride and the white clothes of the groom as they stood facing the ocean. The sun was setting, the private table for two looked enchanting—it all seemed so romantic.

Two hours later, Lisa and I saw the bride, still in her dress, still carrying her flowers, walking alone. It seemed odd. She had gotten married about 120 minutes ago; why wasn’t she with her new husband? Maybe she had something she just needed to pick up.

We said “congratulations.” She smiled and moved on.

We walked around the grounds some more and saw the bride again about forty-five minutes later, walking down another hall, still alone, still in her dress, still carrying her flowers. This time, there was no smile. The tightness around her lips, the tension in her neck, the grip on her flowers gave it all away.

She couldn’t find her husband.

This marriage was less than twenty-four hours old, and already someone wasn’t acting like a husband.

Maybe there was an innocent explanation, a simple misunderstanding, but clearly this bride was a little embarrassed and more than a little frustrated.

How do you expect your spouse to act, not just on your wedding day, but throughout your marriage? One issue I’ve noticed that fewer couples address today concerns gender roles. Women, do you expect your husband to “act like a man,” or does that very phrase offend you?

For your grandparents there was little, if any, disagreement on gender roles, but it’s now become controversial. The problem is, while gender roles within church and marriage are discussed thoroughly in seminaries, few dating couples are aware of this issue and fewer still discuss it. In fact, the younger generation (I realize that many of you reading this may be as old as I am) has been brought up to treat gender distinction with the same disgust as racial discrimination. While I have my own opinions on this matter, what’s probably even more important than whether you agree with me is whether you agree with each other on where you stand. If you disagree on this issue, I think it’s a deal-breaker.

One of the top complaints I hear from thirty- and fortysomething wives is that their

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