Restoring the Pleasure by Thomas Nelson

Author:Thomas Nelson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
Published: 2015-12-31T16:00:00+00:00

FEMALE DESIRE PROBLEMS

Desire barriers for women may be secondary to some other difficulty, or they may be the primary issue.

Secondary to Dissatisfying Experiences

When the sexual experience itself is in some way dissatisfying, over the years women will lose their desire to be with their husbands sexually.

Relationship issues. If not resolved, the sexual relationship issues discussed in the last chapter eventually lead to lack of sexual interest. More general relationship problems can also spill over and keep a woman from sexually desiring her husband. If she feels uncared for, she may believe the only interest her husband has in her is sex. He comes home from work, turns on the television, sits quietly at dinner, and watches television after dinner. Then at bedtime, he becomes friendly—and her anger sizzles. When relationship issues have resulted in loss of sexual desire, marital counseling may be necessary. The retraining process can help resolve these issues, but the underlying stress in the relationship must be resolved before desire can be restored.

Unsatisfactory sexual response. The loss of sexual desire may be due to a lack of sexual responsiveness. If a woman has difficulty becoming aroused or having an orgasm, with time the couple’s initial excitement of being together will lessen.

It was 9:00 a.m. Friday and clearly felt like the end of the week. A mixture of anticipation and fatigue swept over us as we began a three-hour evaluation. The fatigue lessened, though, as we became intrigued with unraveling another couple’s problem.

Tim and Nancy were a striking Southern California couple. They were tanned, well-dressed, jeweled, confident, and beautiful people. They had been sexually active for the six months before they were married. That activity continued into the marriage with excitement and more freedom. Nancy reported wanting sex as much as Tim. Initially, they were together four to five times a week.

Although Tim was usually the aggressor and more active in the sexual experience than Nancy, she would become very turned on—so aroused that she would beg for entry. But after entry, her arousal seemed to get stuck while, within a few minutes, Tim would ejaculate.

At first, this was no big deal; but the frustration that Nancy experienced after entry began to intensify as the situation was repeated. Tim was working long hours, so he would fall asleep shortly after intercourse. Nancy, on the other hand, would lie there wide awake, feeling all stirred up, and not knowing what to do with her buildup of energy and emotions.

After three years, she noted that more and more often, they were having sex because Tim wanted it; very seldom was she getting aroused. Even when she did get aroused, it was not the intense arousal that had left her awake and frustrated earlier in their marriage. Now, more than four years later, Nancy was complaining of total lack of sexual desire. As far as she was aware, she had never experienced orgasm in response to any form of stimulation.

Nancy’s lack of sexual desire was diagnosed as secondary to inhibited sexual release.

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