Restless Wave by Bellany Helen

Author:Bellany, Helen
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Sandstone Press Ltd
Published: 2018-04-12T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 38

* * *

Dieppe

On 30 September 1984 Anya turned fourteen. It was a Sunday and she had gone to see John after his return from Edinburgh where he had been exhibiting. When I arrived to collect her, he invited me in. I had not seen him since my mother and I had visited a few months previously.

On his own, he was on good form this day and wanted to celebrate Anya’s birthday, so he suggested we go to a wine bar on Clapham High Street for a late lunch. Anya, Paul, John and I walked down along the common to find that the restaurant was closing. To counteract his disappointment he suggested that all four of us go on a trip to Dieppe the next day instead. He urged me to take time off work as it was for Anya’s birthday.

I was reluctant for several reasons. I couldn’t just bunk off at the drop of a hat, particularly as I had only fairly recently returned after a few months on sick leave. More important was the fact that Dieppe was where we had gone on honeymoon and it was a very special place in memory for us both. I don’t believe that John had any ulterior motive in wanting us to go back there together. He just loved the place and had returned once or twice over the years with his friends for days out. I had never been back. I knew it was bound to be emotional and I wanted to avoid a sentimental journey at all costs. I could not afford to unsettle myself in this way. It had been hard to win stability for myself and build up my life after our marriage ended, and I had just recovered from a deep depression.

Eleven years had passed since our life together had come to an end, and we both now had different lives. There was nothing wrong with a family day out. It would be the first time ever in all the years we’d been apart that we would spend any time together but I really did not want to go. There of all places.

He was fired up with enthusiasm, though, and had persuaded the children. ‘Come with us, Mum. I don’t want to go if you’re not going. Oh, please come, Mum!’

They went on and on, John too. ‘It is for the bairn’s birthday!’

Eventually I gave in and agreed to go. I dreaded what I had let myself in for. Although Anya and Paul might enjoy the day off, this definitely wasn’t a good idea for me.

Next morning at 6 a.m. Anya and I collected John and Paul (Jonathan was living in a King’s Cross bed and breakfast by now) and we drove down to Newhaven for the early ferry to Dieppe.

John had brought his Adidas bag that accompanied him everywhere. This contained his bottle of Bacardi, Coca Cola and a glass wrapped up in a tea towel. As soon as we were on our way out of London he poured his first ‘heart starter’.

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