Recovering from the Loss of a Love by H. Norman Wright

Author:H. Norman Wright
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781628620580
Publisher: Aspire Press
Published: 2014-09-15T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER THREE

Evaluating Your Progress

A friend of mine asked, “How do I know I’m getting over this breakup and recovering in the way I need to? It’s been four months now, and at times I feel different and other times I don’t. What’s normal, or is there a normal?” Have you asked similar questions? We want to know when recovery will happen and how we will recognize it. We want an accurate self-evaluation.

Although there are various ways to tell how or whether you’re progressing through recovery, keep in mind that the tools and indications for determining progress vary from person to person; the last thing you want to do is compare yourself with others.

When you find yourself thinking and talking less and less about the relationship, you’re progressing. What percentage of your time do you feel at peace about your breakup, and what percentage of your time do you feel anxious about it? If you find times of balance between peace and anxiety, you’re progressing. It’s important that you experience a balance in your memories as well, when you remember both the good as well as the problem times.

During the initial period after a breakup, concentration comes with difficulty. So if your concentration is improving, that too is progress. Also it’s a good sign when you begin to be more patient with the rate of your recovery. Most people are too hard on themselves, berating themselves for, in their estimation, taking “too long” to make progress. In fact, people often start dating just to prove to themselves that they are moving on, not to actually begin a new relationship.

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