Receiving Love by Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt

Author:Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Atria Books
Published: 2004-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

All of these skills involve connecting aspects of the self that used to be separate from each other. Consider, for example, the man or woman who is rocked by waves of confusing emotion but can’t say what these feelings are and has no idea where they come from. Or, the young person who feels anxious about nearly everything, but has no clue as to what is triggering these feelings. In both cases, the individual needs to know himself or herself more completely in order to heal. And, to know yourself, you must be able to access information on both a separate and connected knowing level, in a balanced way.

Linking information and feelings by using both separate and connected knowing in a balanced way is the key to better functioning on a physiological and a psychological level. If you can’t perform these tasks of integration because you haven’t had the interpersonal experiences that allow you to learn them, you’re in danger of being imprisoned by your own defenses. For example, if you’re not sure what’s making you angry, then anything could be making you angry. If you don’t have a way of making meaning from your troubles, then life is reduced to a battleground of random attacks with occasional reprieves. Everything is threatening. The feeling is that you can’t let your guard down or you’ll be hurt.

The antidote to this kind of isolation and restriction is to have experiences that are connecting and that open your capacity to trust. Reparative relationships accomplish their healing magic by encouraging both partners to:

Understand and empathize with the other’s point of view without judging

Explore emotions and memories in a way that encourages tolerance and acceptance

Maintain trust so that new challenges in self-awareness and learning can be undertaken

Interpret experience in ways that enlarge perspective and promote self-esteem

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