Ready to Wed by Greg Smalley
Author:Greg Smalley
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: RELIGION / Christian Life / Love & Marriage, FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / Marriage & Long Term Relationships
ISBN: 9781624054167
Publisher: Focus on the Family
Published: 2015-04-30T16:00:00+00:00
What Turned Things Around for Angel and Bryan
Remember Angel and Bryan? What turned things around for them—and what can turn things around for you when it comes to blending your differences as a couple—were three simple suggestions. These suggestions helped Bryan and Angel see their own strengths, and their spouse’s strengths, more clearly. They also helped Bryan and Angel move from viewing each other as an opponent to the ally they once were.
1. Become a student of your future spouse’s strengths. From what you’ve read in this chapter, it’s probably not surprising that when Angel took the LOGB assessment, she discovered that she is a Golden Retriever who is also high on the Beaver scale. Bryan, on the other hand, is literally tied at the very top of both the Lion and Otter scales. This means that when it came to decisions, Angel, as a Golden Retriever, preferred to go slowly and carefully, talking through all the options before they made a decision. She relaxed when she knew they’d covered all their bases and understood the best they could the impact a decision would have on their relationship, their finances, or even their future.
Bryan, on the other hand, wasn’t only strong (a Lion); he was spontaneous (an Otter). So when decisions came up, his goal was to rush in and “get ’er done!” Time was wasting! Instead of gathering all the facts or slowing down to talk to Angel, he’d jump in and make a decision, often without even bothering to include Angel. Then he’d be shocked when she didn’t appreciate and thank him for his quick decision-making skills or the direction he’d taken without her!
The more they both learned about their individual bents and their spouse’s, the more they understood how differently each of them saw life—how differently they approached everything from making decisions to facing problems to picking which restaurant to go to.
And what came with understanding (which helped their relationship tremendously) was seeing why they did things the way they did. Meaning, Bryan wasn’t trying to hurt Angel’s feelings by making fast decisions. It just came naturally. And Angel wasn’t peppering Bryan with questions to frustrate him. She was looking for information to make the best possible decision and help him.
It’s amazing how seeking understanding in a marriage, instead of just reacting to personality differences, can strengthen the relationship and lessen frustration and conflict. And it does something else as well.
2. Be willing to ask yourself, “Are my strengths being pushed to an extreme?” Once Angel and Bryan became students of their spouse’s strengths, they were able to focus on solving issues instead of just attacking each other. And they were able to do something else that’s incredibly important: They became willing to take a hard look at their own lives and how they were using their own strengths with their spouse and others.
Wise couples will start looking at their individual strengths, asking if and how those strengths are being pushed out of balance or to an extreme.
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Codependency | Conflict Management |
Dating | Divorce |
Friendship | Interpersonal Relations |
Love & Loss | Love & Romance |
Marriage | Mate Seeking |
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