Plenty of Time When We Get Home by Kayla Williams

Author:Kayla Williams
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company
Published: 2013-09-08T04:00:00+00:00

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1. http://www.pdhealth.mil/downloads/Army_Physical_Disability_Evaluation_System_(APDES).pdf

9.

THE TURN

When I woke up the next morning, my face was gritty with salt, my eyes sore and red. Going home right away was not an option—I felt open and raw, completely unable to engage with Brian. After briefly contemplating staying curled up in a ball all day long in the hotel room refusing to move, I decided it would be better to get out and see other people. Luckily, I already had plans.

Brian and I had been going indoor rock climbing at a local gym. It was more interesting and challenging than standard weight lifting, involving the brain as well as the body. And it was an athletic activity where his size and strength didn’t give him an automatic advantage over me. We’d taken a class together, and the instructor had immediately noticed that Brian had balance issues. The injury had damaged Brian’s inner ear, making plane rides unbearable—every minor pitch and yaw felt like the plane was wobbling wildly out of control. Most people would never be able to tell, but this guy, an expert climber trained in watching how other people move, could tell right away that something was off.1

During the class, he had us attempt one climb blindfolded—and I’d done significantly better that way. It fascinated me to get concrete evidence of how my own brain could undermine me: looking at a challenging section, my mind would say, “There’s no way you can do that,” and I couldn’t. When the visual clues were taken away and I was forced to rely simply on the evidence my body gave me, my capabilities were almost miraculously enhanced. I loved the combination of mental and physical challenge.

Carrie, a woman I’d served with in Iraq, had recently moved to the area. She’d been on my team during the drive from Mosul to Kuwait; we shared indelible memories of our experiences together. Carrie and I had plans to go to the rock climbing gym together so she could try it, too. Spending time with her might settle my mind, I thought, and would let me put off dealing with Brian. Besides, I didn’t even know if he’d remember last night. Not to mention that I didn’t know if I wanted to go home. “Maybe,” I said to myself, “I’ll finally walk away.”

Putting on my game face, I smiled brightly when I saw her. “Let’s do this!”

“How’s Brian?” she asked.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just say I really need this!”

Carrie rented gear and I worked the safety rope as she climbed. When she came back down, she was flushed and sweaty but smiling. I grinned back, knowing how she felt: in Iraq, we regularly got into situations when adrenaline coursed through our bodies. It became so normal that being back in America where everything was safe actually felt abnormal, and we ended up unconsciously seeking out the rush. Troops freshly back from the war would often drive fast,

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