Petunia's Pandemonium: Sea Shenanigans Book Five by Robyn Peterman

Author:Robyn Peterman [Peterman, Robyn]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-11-17T16:00:00+00:00

“If you really want to get into your Mermaid’s thong, I’d suggest borrowing one of my spiffy outfits for the shindig,” Pirate Doug proposed, going through his closet in his cramped and messy quarters.

The Mermaids had high-tailed it back to the island several hours ago and my brother had come to a good while after their departure. I’d been left alone with my thoughts for a bit. I was like a human kid on Christmas morning. I paced like a madman. Unsure of what to do with myself, I began to clean my brother’s shitty ship. I hadn’t made it below yet, hence his room was still a shitshow.

“I look fine,” I said, glancing down at my black t-shirt, black pants and combat boots. It was my bad-assed Genie look. Petunia had always loved it.

“I thought Genies went shirtless and wore puffy pants and a head wrap with jewels,” my brother said, holding up an enormous pile of lace that I think was supposed to be a shirt.

“Some do,” I said, refusing to even touch the horrifying piece of material that he held out to me. “I’m not your typical Genie.”

“Nay, you’re not,” he said with a laugh. “Pappy said you kicked his ass. Would have loved to have seen that. With all due respect—which means none—that soused jackhole deserves a smackdown.”

I grinned. “It was liberating—excellent to fight someone without worrying about killing them. The drunk bastard’s head is as hard a rock. A solid freakin’ punch to the head is exhilarating.”

“That’s the way I feel about my singing,” Pirate Doug announced proudly. “I can kill anyone dead where they stand after only a few bars.”

“I’m sorry. What?” I asked, squinting at him. I was well aware that my brother was confused about… well, almost everything. Did he really think he could destroy an enemy by singing?

“Yep,” he went on proudly. “Blew up a fuck-ton of Krakens with my warbling.”

“For real?” If he was telling the truth, that was jaw-dropping.

“One hundred percent.” Pirate Doug nodded and tried again to hand me the lacy frock.

“I’m impressed,” I told him, pretending I didn’t notice the disaster in his hands. “You know if Petunia mates with me, I won’t die.”

Doug’s eyes grew wide. “Is that a secret too?”

Shit. Why was I telling the imbecile things I shouldn’t? Maybe reverse psychology would work here… Doubtful, but worth a shot.

“Umm… no. Not a secret,” I said carefully, wondering about the wisdom of my new ploy. Doug aka Dong was definitely not a mental gymnast so I was hoping this plan of action would work.

I didn’t want Petunia to feel like she had to mate with me to save my life. That would be far worse than death. Petunia had to want me for me. I was aware I wasn’t a prize, especially after my famous Super Bowl run, but I’d done my time in the bottle

“Maybe I’ll wear some puffy pants and a jeweled headpiece in honor of you, my brother,” Pirate Doug said, searching through his closet.

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