Orgasms! by Infinite Ideas

Author:Infinite Ideas [Infinite Ideas]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Infinite Ideas Ltd
Published: 2011-12-20T00:00:00+00:00

27. Indecent proposal

Do you indulge in secret fantasies? How to put a finger on that fancy.

Fantasising is normal human behaviour. Once you’ve worked out what makes you tick, you’ve got a fast-track route to orgasms.

All of us fantasise – it could be about winning the lottery or dating Orlando Bloom – and sexual fantasies which arouse us are no different. In 1968 when Nancy Friday was researching her first book on women’s fantasies, My Secret Garden, no psychologist was willing to accept that ‘normal’ women had sexual fantasies, but now researchers say there is no gender difference between male and female fantasising. Harold Leitenberg and Kris Henning in Sexual Fantasy, their mammoth project, show that women’s fantasies help them to overcome taboos and real-life problems. They turn off our inner censor, and act as a coping strategy to get rid of guilt and negative emotions. Just in case you think there’s something pervy about doing it, actually the reverse is true, as Leitenberg says: ‘The people who have the most sexual problems fantasise least.’ Those who indulge in erotic fantasy have sex more frequently, have a wider sexual repertoire and have more sexual partners. There’s really no excuse not to do it!

Women think about sex at least four and a half times a day. The trick is to hold on to some of these fleeting images so you can make use of them. Keep a dream/mood diary, and note down things and people that arouse a flicker of sexual interest. The trick is to find out what turns you on. There could be a theme or specific activity that gets you going. (And it could be anything: one www.nerve.com writer gets turned on by the twirls Wonder Woman does as she transforms.) Try browsing websites like www.cliterati.co.uk or www.literotic.com. They’re free and you can search by topic. Don’t be alarmed if you find yourself turned on by things you’d never want to do in real life (like incest or gang-bang fantasies). Often we’re drawn to these as coping mechanisms and they represent a desire to attract attention – in fantasy life it’s common to sexualise these basic desires. Fantasising about it doesn’t mean you want to enact it, that’s why they’re called fantasies. It’s not important why something turns you on, only finding out what works for you.

Some women find their wildest thoughts are actually quite mundane. Don’t worry if your fantasy isn’t exotic, as the most common one is sex with a current or past lover. In addition, Leitenberg and Henning say the three most common ‘flavours’ of fantasy are using novel/forbidden imagery, scenes of sexual irresistibility and dominance/submissive fantasies. When we are ‘done to’ and dominated it relieves us of any sexual responsibility; we don’t have to feel guilty about anything.

To get more acquainted with your secret fantasies, browse books, websites and erotic films for inspiration. Try to spend some time in the week on your own, safe behind a locked door. Some find sanctuary in the bathroom, where they can sip a glass of wine as they soak in the bath and let their mind wander.

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