Once, Twice, Three Times an Aisling by Emer McLysaght & Sarah Breen

Author:Emer McLysaght & Sarah Breen [McLysaght, Emer]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781405938259
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2019-09-18T22:00:00+00:00

Chapter 23

‘Are you in the bathroom, Ais? Why are you whispering?’

Sadhbh’s face fills the screen as she squints and positions herself properly in front of the camera, showing me glimpses of the city skyline behind her. I really must go to Thailand sometime, although Sinéad McGrath went for three weeks last year and, God forgive me, but her face was like a beetroot in every photo she posted on Facebook. The humidity would kill me. Sadhbh isn’t a bit sweaty now as I’m looking at her, but then she’s probably never sweated in her whole life. Her shorn silver crop means there isn’t even any hair to scrape back off her face. I’d be puce and firing up my mini fan.

‘Sadhbh,’ I repeat furtively. ‘How does tit tape work? I can’t get it to stick.’

I am in the bathroom. It’s the en suite off James’s room in his parents’ house in Buckleton and everywhere I turn there’s a towel – on every surface and hanging off multiple hooks and rings. If competitive towel hanging was a sport then the Matthewses would be world champions. It’s the same in the other three bathrooms in the house, and my nerves are gone knowing which one to dry my hands on. James is downstairs and I’m up here ‘checking in with Mammy’, which is my personal code for practising my outfit for tonight’s party and trying on the bra Sharon told me to buy in Victoria’s Secret in the airport. I’ve also relieved my very nervous belly ahead of tonight’s party and meeting Mrs Matthews, who has proven to be something of an enigma.

‘Get one with a real plunge. You’ve lovely boobs,’ Sharon said somewhat wistfully and, of course, I had to tell her that I have a terrible arse and child-bearing hips to make up for them. I’m thrilled to have a bit of me called lovely, but I’ve never met a compliment I didn’t instantly deflect. I was going to ask her what colour I should get the bra in, but she actually went into a bit of a mood, so I had to go with my instinct in the end and went with purple and black, but unless I can sellotape the suit to my chest everyone will be able to see it so I’ve entered crisis mode. I have the purple dress as a back-up, of course, but I met James’s twin cousins, Bryony and Georgia, last night and they seemed super glamorous so I feel like it will have to be the suit. Why didn’t I bring the nice red vest top?

‘Are you sweating, Ais? You look like you’re sweating. You need to be dry as a bone for it to stick.’ This feels like an attack from Sadhbh, to be honest. She knows how I get. Meanwhile, she’s leaning back on her lounger looking like she might even be a bit cold. I’d be wiping the Nile off my top lip.

‘Okay, feck it, I’ll worry about it later.

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