Nothing Changes Until You Do by Robbins Mike

Author:Robbins, Mike [Robbins, Mike]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hay House
Published: 2014-03-13T14:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 20

Give Yourself Permission to Cry

Something extraordinary happened at Candlestick Park in San Francisco on January 14, 2012. Sure it was an amazing ending to an NFL play-off game between the San Francisco 49ers and the New Orleans Saints (which the 49ers won in dramatic fashion, making all of us fans here in the Bay Area very happy), but the monumental win wasn’t what made it so remarkable to me.

As Vernon Davis, the tight end for the 49ers who caught the game-winning touchdown, came running off the field, tears were streaming down his face. He came to the sidelines and was embraced by his head coach, Jim Harbaugh, in a huge bear hug. Coach Harbaugh hugged him for quite a while and spoke into his ear in what I can only imagine was an expression of authentic appreciation and celebration. It was a beautiful and moving moment that transcended football, and even sports—it was about courageous triumph, raw human emotion, and vulnerable self-expression. (If you didn’t get a chance to see this when it happened, I highly recommend searching for the video of it online; it’s quite moving.)

Of course, I loved it—not just because I’m a huge sports fan and like to see my hometown teams win (especially after many years of not winning, which was the case for the 49ers that year in the play-offs), but because it highlighted something very important … the power of tears! I also loved it because you don’t usually see a big, strong football player like Vernon Davis break down and cry in the arms of his coach in front of 65,000 fans in the stadium and millions of people watching on TV. But he did, and it was a powerful scene and an important reminder of what it means to be human.

One of the many things tears can do is remind us of our humanness, our vulnerability, and our connection to one another and to things much bigger than the specific circumstances we are facing. We cry for different reasons and based on different emotions. Sometimes we shed tears of pain, sorrow, anger, frustration, or grief. Other times, tears show up because of love, joy, inspiration, hope, or kindness. Regardless of the underlying emotions, crying often makes us feel better and is one of the most authentic expressions of emotion we experience as human beings.

However, many of us have a great deal of fear, resistance, and judgment about tears—both ours and those of other people. While this tends to vary based on our age, upbringing, gender, and the environment in which we find ourselves, I’m amazed at how often crying is seen in such a negative way in our culture, even today.

As a man, I was trained early in my life, like most of the men I know, that “boys don’t cry.” Based on this and a variety of other factors, I sometimes find it challenging to access and express my own tears. But I do actually love to cry, so when my tears show up, I let them flow, often quite passionately.

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