Nineteen by A.J. Mars

Author:A.J. Mars [Mars, A.J.]
Language: nld
Format: epub
Tags: erotic MM, Romance MM
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

They stare at each other like the first time, thirty

seconds of eternity. Sweat springs up in the creases of Ezra"s

palms. The blades of grass are still pressing into the backs of

his hands. Nick"s looking up at him, wary, expectant, and

now his eyes are the ones asking “Now what?”. A tiny puff of

breeze lifts a strand of hair from his forehead, making it

shiver before it lies flat again. Ezra feels a shiver like that

wriggle down his spine. Now what? Well, they know now

what; they just don"t know what to do about it. It"s not like

they"re living in a movie, where these things always just

happen without anyone wondering how. It"s real life—wow,

what a concept—and neither of them has done this before,

and they know what they want but not how to get it, and

they"re too nervous and embarrassed to admit it to

themselves.

So that leaves faking it out and hoping they accidentally

get it right. Ezra"s not sure if what he does next is what he

should do, but it"s something he can do, at any rate, and the

way Nick"s chest pushes against his when it rises says

maybe it was the right move. Now their skin"s pressed

together, kind of sticky, a little sweaty, but this is better

than kissing, this is closer than holding hands. Nick"s arms

slip around Ezra"s shoulders, and Ezra can feel Nick"s

heartbeat through his skin. They stay like that for a long

time, five minutes of looking for courage and wondering what

it is about this that"s got them so fucking scared.

“I"m—” Ezra starts, and has to clear his throat. He looks

away and around, and Nick"s heartbeat speeds up under his

chest.

“I mean, are you….” He trails off, and his heart"s doing

the tango all on its own, and his wrist is starting to go numb,

Nineteen | A.J. Mars

31

pinned under Nick"s shoulder, and all the easy don"t-think-

about-it of a few minutes ago is totally gone. A million

thoughts are blitzing through his skull.

“Yeah,” Nick finishes in this quiet voice that"s shaking

maybe just a little, though he"s doing a damn good job of

hiding it. Ezra breathes out a breath that shakes kind of a

lot, and he doesn"t bother hiding it.

“Yeah,” he agrees. Feels better to know that, somehow.

“I, um,” he starts again, trying to move his wrist without

bothering Nick, but Nick notices and shifts.

“Oh, sorry, I didn"t—”

“No, it"s okay.” Ezra pulls his wrist free.

“Well, what if I—” Nick completes that thought by

turning sideways, and Ezra"s so surprised all he can say is

“Oh,” which he"s already said before and which is a

dumb thing to say, anyway. The blood rushes back to his

hand, prickly-sharp, and the ground is hard under his ribs,

and the grass is soft under his cheek, and his arms are still

around Nick except now he"s looking straight into Nick"s

eyes, which have changed color again and are a strange sort

of green in the dim light.

The saying is, the heart wants what the heart wants,

and the head"s no part of that equation. Lucky, "cause Ezra"s

not thinking all that clearly, or maybe he is, thinking too

much and too clearly about something that doesn"t need

thinking, just doing.

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