Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward by Henry Cloud

Author:Henry Cloud
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Non-Fiction, Self Help, Psychology
ISBN: 9780061777127
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2010-01-01T22:00:00+00:00

Chapter 7

The Wise, the Foolish, and the Evil: Identifying Which Kinds of People Deserve Your Trust

The time when you get to hopelessness can be one of the best moments for your future. To give up hope that something is going to change when it is not going to gets you unstuck immediately and brings energy. It brings life to the sickness of hope deferred.

And as we have seen, the decisions involving people can be some of the most difficult. We have talked about getting to the hopeless moment with people, and also how to design a process of change that actually has hope of being effective.

But how do you know if entering into that process of change with someone is even worth it? How do you know that it is going to help? Haven't you wondered that sometimes? "Are they ever going to change? Are they ever going to get better? Should I really keep working with them, thinking they are going to improve? Are my efforts to get them to change going to help anything at all?”

Or on the personal side of life, how do you know when to invest the effort with someone to work on making things better and when you should tell them that you are done talking about it? With whom do you try, and with whom do you say, "I'm done talking”? That is a question that, if properly answered, can save much time and heartache.

And it is the subject of this chapter: how to diagnose a person to know whether working on the issue is likely to help or not.

If you are a responsible and loving person, then you might assume that other people are like you—responsible and loving. They do the right thing, taking responsibility for themselves, for their mistakes, for their work. And they care about other people and how their actions affect those people. That is what you do, right? Right. You have concern about how what you do affects others. So doesn't it make sense that everyone else would be like you and really care? Sure, if you lived on Mars.

But this is planet Earth. And if you are going to succeed in life and business, you have to succeed on this planet, not Mars. The truth is that not everyone on planet Earth is like you. Not all take responsibility for themselves or care about how their actions are affecting other people or the mission. Moreover, some are even worse than that. Some people are actually out to do you harm.

If you do not accept this reality, then you are going to spend a lot of time wasting time, money, energy, love, resources, your heart, and everything else that matters to you on people who will either squander it or destroy it. That is why this chapter may be the most important one that you read. It is essential to understand that not everyone is going to be open or even desirous of the change that you are trying to bring about.

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