Nanny Piggins and the Wicked Plan by R. A. Spratt

Author:R. A. Spratt [Spratt, R.A]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: FICTION
ISBN: 978-1-8647-1564-4
Publisher: Random House Australia
Published: 2011-08-28T04:00:00+00:00

Back at the Green house Nanny Piggins was ready to commence phase two – the eating. Nanny Piggins drew up a schedule so she, Boris and the children could take it in turns feeding Lavinia. Lavinia had offered to feed herself but Nanny Piggins would not let her. She was concerned that picking up the food and putting it in her mouth would burn too many calories. Chewing was obviously a problem. Nanny Piggins had tried to think of a way to get around Lavinia having to chew. All that up and down movement of her jaw was bound to use energy. But all the solutions to bypass chewing were too disgusting to consider.

Things progressed well for the first seven hours. Lavinia might be thin and beautiful, but she had been a professional Fat Lady for many years and she still had impressive eating skills. Once a woman learns to shove an entire cream-covered pavlova in her mouth, that is a talent she never loses. So the eating went smoothly until night fell and it was Michael’s turn to do the handfeeding.

Now you must remember that Michael was only seven. Which was not his fault. He had no say in when he was born. And the thing about seven-year-olds, indeed all young children, is that when they fall asleep, they really fall asleep. People in comas sleep less soundly than the average seven-year-old. Nanny Piggins believed this was because of all the boring things that seven-year-olds are forced to learn at school. They have to sleep soundly while their brains try to expel the useless information.

At any rate, when Nanny Piggins came downstairs to commence her five am feeding shift, she found Michael fast asleep at the kitchen table and Lavinia nowhere to be seen. Nanny Piggins was just about to panic when Lavinia slipped in the back door. ‘Good morning, Nanny Piggins. I just stepped outside to see if the sun was up yet,’ said Lavinia the thin Fat Lady.

‘Really?’ asked Nanny Piggins, squinting at her. ‘And what have I told you about walking?’

‘I’m sorry,’ apologised Lavinia guiltily.

Nanny Piggins suspected Lavinia had been up to something. ‘You do know that pigs have an incredibly acute sense of smell?’

‘No, I didn’t realise that,’ admitted Lavinia nervously.

‘We can smell aromas so faint even a large-nosed dog can’t imagine them,’ continued Nanny Piggins.

‘Really?’ said Lavinia. Now she was beginning to look nervous.

‘Like, for example,’ said Nanny Piggins, ‘I can smell the sweat of a very naughty woman who has secretly been out jogging when she was supposed to be at home getting fat!’

‘All right, I admit it. I’ve been out jogging!’ confessed Lavinia.

Nanny Piggins sniffed at Lavinia, ‘And –’

‘And I did some star jumps,’ Lavinia admitted.

‘One hundred and fifty-three, if my nose tells me correctly,’ said Nanny Piggins.

‘Actually one hundred and fifty-four,’ said Lavinia.

‘Well, it is first thing in the morning. My snout is just warming up,’ said Nanny Piggins.

Lavinia broke down in tears. ‘I’m sorry, Nanny Piggins. I thought I had the strength to do it, but not being on a diet is so hard.

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