Nanny Piggins and the Race to Power 8 by R. A. Spratt

Author:R. A. Spratt [R. A. Spratt]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: fiction
Publisher: Random House Australia
Published: 2013-09-05T04:00:00+00:00

At ten minutes to twelve the entire cast of The Young and the Irritable turned up.

‘Darlings!’ cried Nanny Piggins with delight. ‘It’s so good to see you.’ (Nanny Piggins had once been the head writer of The Young and the Irritable. For more information, see Chapter 8 of Nanny Piggins and the Daring Rescue.)

‘Where’s the cake?’ asked the actor who played Vincent. ‘You told us there would be cake if we arrived before noon.’

‘And there will be,’ promised Nanny Piggins. ‘I just need you to do a little bit of acting for me first.’

What followed was spectacular, because now Nanny Piggins was reading the news and crossing to live dramatisations acted out by her soap-opera-star friends.

The actor who played Vincent played the head of the Water Quality Authority, who was responsible for a thousand tonnes of ping pong balls falling into the ocean. He gave a passionate speech accepting all the blame, but explaining that he made the terrible mistake because he was in love with the woman who checked his gas meter.

Then the woman who checked his gas meter burst into the studio (she was being played by the actress who played Bethany) and declared that she wasn’t really a menial water board employee, she was actually the head of police on a sting operation to entrap him. But she had found no evidence because he was blameless, and instead had fallen deeply in love with him.

The news bulletin ended with a ten-minute session of them kissing passionately, in between looking off into the middle distance and talking about how lucky they were to have found each other.

For the one o’clock bulletin, Nanny Piggins got Buff Senior and Buff Junior to play political rivals who gave up on reasoned debate and settled their differences by stripping off their shirts and combatting in professional wrestling.

And in the two o’clock bulletin, the actress who played Sabrina pretended to be the prime minister of Turkey, and sang a heartbreaking ballad about how devastated she was to learn that the prime minister of Turkey did not get to eat roast turkey every day for lunch.

Between all the cake and the heady atmosphere of drama and requited love, even the crew started to really enjoy themselves. Broadcasting the news had never been so much fun. It was such a relief to have a day with no talk of car accidents, war or politics. Everything was going swimmingly until the real boss, the chairman of the board of directors, burst into the studio.

‘What on earth is going on here?!’ demanded the chairman of the board.

‘Um . . .’ said the news director. On hearing the question put so plainly, he suddenly realised it would sound foolish to say they had let a pig take over the news and make everything up.

Fortunately Nanny Piggins came to his aid. ‘Do not blame your staff. If they showed any weakness of character it is purely because of their low blood sugar levels because you, as their employer, failed to provide adequate doughnuts in the break room.

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