My Weirder School #4: Mr. Burke Is Berserk! by Dan Gutman

Author:Dan Gutman
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780062101976
Publisher: HarperCollins

7

Gold Fever

“Gold!” shouted Ryan.

“Gold!!” shouted Michael.

“Gold!!!” shouted Neil the nude kid.

“GOLD!!!!” I shouted.

Just in case you were wondering, we were all shouting “Gold.”

Kids from every corner of the playground came running over to see what was going on.

“Mr. Burke found gold!”

“Mr. Burke found gold!!”

“MR. BURKE FOUND GOLD!!!”

Just in case you were wondering, lots of kids were talking about how Mr. Burke found gold. Everybody crowded around him as he held up the chunk of gold.

“Well, Ah’ll be dogged,” Mr. Burke said. “Mah great-great-grandpappy lived over yonder back in ’48. He told me there was a heap a gold left in the ground after the big gold rush ended. And Ah reckon it was right here!”

Mrs. Jafee came running out to the playground.

“What’s all the fuss about?” she asked.

“Mr. Burke found a piece of gold where the monkey bars used to be,” I told her.

“Ah always figgered there wuz gold down there,” he said, “but Ah couldn’t git at it on account a them dang monkey bars. Is it okay with y’all if Ah do a little diggin’ out here?”

“You betcha!” said Mrs. Jafee. “Dig, baby, dig!”

Our reading specialist, Mr. Macky, came running out of the school. He was pushing a wheelbarrow.

“Did somebody say gold?” he asked, all excited.

“Where did you get a wheelbarrow?” Ryan asked Mr. Macky.

“From Rent-A-Wheelbarrow,” said Mr. Macky. “You can rent anything.”

Suddenly, the other teachers came running out of the school: Ms. Coco, Miss Holly, Mr. Docker, Miss Small—all of them! They were wearing overalls and miner’s helmets. Some of them were carrying pickaxes, shovels, and pans. I guess they rented them.

“Yee-ha!” they were all shouting. “Gold!”

“Uh, don’t any of you have classes to teach?” asked Andrea.

“Classes?” shouted our librarian, Mrs. Roopy. “Who cares about classes? There’s gold in them thar hills!”

“And Ah’m a-fixin’ to fetch me some, dagnabit,” said our speech teacher, Miss Laney.

“Yee-ha!” shouted Mr. Granite.

“Why is everybody suddenly talking like it’s the Wild West?” I asked.

“’Cause we got the gold fever, young feller!” said Mr. Macky. “It drives a man crazy, Ah tell you! Crazy!”

“Ah’m crazier than a run-over coon!” shouted our health teacher, Ms. Leakey.

“Ah’m crazier than popcorn on a hot stove!” shouted Mr. Granite.

“Yee-ha!” shouted Ms. Coco.

Grown-ups are weird.

The teachers started digging holes all over the place and saying words I never heard of, like “tarnation” and “varmint” and “ornery.” Me and the other kids just watched them. At least it was better than going to class.

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