Mr Unavailable and the FallBack Girl by Natalie Lue

Author:Natalie Lue
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub, pdf
ISBN: 9781465967138
Publisher: Natalie Lue
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

There In Spirit

Very often, men have to be ‘strong like bull’, and as providers they focus on providing security and fostering a good life, often stemming from the material and practical aspects of life, with very little thought given to how much emotional sustenance is being given to their children. They look around and see food on the table, a mother doing her ‘motherly bit’, a car in the driveway and everything provided for, plus they work long hours, and they determine that their work is done. There is an element of them thinking “We’re here, aren’t we?”. You then believe that all men need to do is show up, not participate.

He had good intentions and was doing the best he could, often based on his own experience of being parented, however being raised by him may have you looking for love in all the wrong places. We do need emotional attention and as children, when we see the world according to ourselves, it can feel very bewildering and scary to not receive it from a parent.

There’s no disputing that these fathers are there but I don’t support this culture of patting parents on the back for being there for children that they’ve created. When men boast “I take care of my kids!”, I’m thinking “What’s the big fricking deal? You’re supposed to!” There’s ‘there’ and there’s being present and accountable. While I appreciate that sometimes very innocent things can be misconstrued when you’re a child that, on reflection as an adult, aren’t actually the world-crushing problem that we perceived them to be at the time, the role of a parent is to nurture a child and shape their world, and help them to navigate it.

Yes, men don’t always find it easy to express their emotions, and yes, our own fathers are likely to have their own issues with their own parents that govern their own behaviour, but many men do make a consistent effort to try. This isn’t about blaming your father for being there but not giving you enough attention; it’s about understanding that as an adult, you keep acting out your desire for attention by taking up with emotionally vacant men that make you jump through hoops for crumbs.

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